It's the best ship

Monday, April 20, 2015


Last night, while pounding half a tube of glorious Nestle Toll House, Grahm and I were talking about life here in San Antonio. Three years ago, we moved to the land of bluebonnets and sweat with nothing but a nearly empty bank account, a full-size mattress, boxes of unopened wedding presents, and an excitement for beginning our new life. Here's the thing. When you uproot your life and leave essentially every friend and familiarity you've ever known, you wonder when you're going to be out of the woods. Out of those lonely, maneuvering-through-the-bear-shit, will-I-ever-feel-at-home-again trees that can make you disoriented and bitter and equipped with the ever-present desire to eat your feelings.

Slowly, we meandered out of the friendless forest and found community within our church. It was a painfully slow process. The transition from "Hi, we're the Roaches; please like us despite our last name and our needy expressions" to feeling comfortable inviting someone to enjoy a meal with us was no walk in donut park.

Flash forward two years later. I have this tiny, perfect infant in my arms. My milk-crusted shirt (cause mama ain't got the energy to put on a bra), eye bags the size of soccer balls, and mommy mush brain made me the poster child for NyQuil and loneliness. The desire for someone to talk to (besides hubby dearest) was as real as my hankering for my sweet baby to sleep through the night.

The need for real friendships (the "hey, can you come over because I haven't had a conversation with someone other than my four-month-old pet rock and the cashier at Target and I just really need to feel normal even though I haven't showered in three days" kind) escalated when Sawyer entered my world. When you're ankle deep in diaper changes and counting the minutes till your husband gets home, you look around your empty house and begin to beg for companionship and solidarity... despite how happy you are to be doing exactly what you're doing.

I began to pray for deep friendships, for women I could relate to and love and encourage during this wonderful and really hard life transition. And the weirdest thing happened. He answered. San Antonio doesn't look like it did three years ago. I no longer have a running mental countdown of when we can move back to familiarity and old friendships. We are happy here. We feel at home. We are finally out of those God-forsaken woods and feeling like this city is where our family is meant to be.

I guess what I'm saying, kids, is you can live anywhere as long as you have real friendships with real people who really just get you. Words cannot express how thankful I am for the women in my life, pictured and not. Friendship really is the best ship to be in.

9 comments:

Susannah said...

We're going to be moving once my husband finds a job and I'm already praying that God will be prepaid wonderful friends for me wherever we end up. How wonderful that you've been given the gift of good friendships.

Lauren said...

I didn't really have great friendships until after we were married and found a church home of our own. Now I have some women in my life who are absolutely amazing! They truly are a gift!

Katie said...

staying at home can be so lonely even when you haven't moved and have friends. days and days without having an adult conversation are SO hard! i'm so glad you've found some good friends!

Kaity said...

Such an answered prayer!

We're still living in Hubby's hometown and probably will be forever. It's a different kind of lonely. The kind of lonely that feels like in this sea of in-laws and should-be friends, where are MY people? I'm still where you were 3 years ago, I guess. But hopeful, that this place will become home one of these days :)

Kayla MKOY said...

I'm so so thankful that God answered those prayers of yours and gave you some genuinely amazing friendships :) I wouldn't know what to do without my ladies!!!

J and A said...

Thank goodness for girlfriends!! So glad you found some awesome ones. I wish you lived closer. We would for sure have a blast! AKA I would make you decorate my house.

Brit said...

In the past six years I have moved from NY to HI to GA and now I am in WA. My husband is in the military and having a newborn in GA was no fun. I found it really hard to meet people that I have made it my goal in WA to get out of the house more. I joined some mommy groups and I started going to the gym and finding people I would normally be friends with back at home. It's definitely hard to find the good ones!

Audrey @ An Aud Blog said...

This is so good, and so encouraging! I'm living in Salt Lake City now, and have spent the 9 months that I've lived here basically friendless... I'm still in the deep, dark woods, but hopefully (at least in 3 years!) I can begin to feel a better sense of community. Just gotta keep praying for God to bring me some great SLC friends!

The Nance Familia said...

Can't believe y'all moved here three years ago!! Love you guys!