These are my Confessions

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

This post is brought to you this fine Tuesday morning because, well, I already broke one of my New Year's resolutions. I know, I know. It's been seven days. Even Kim Kardashian makes longer commitments than me. Grahm and I went to Sonic, and I definitely indulged in a Dr Pepper. That's 23 flavors of failure, friends.

Here's my deal. I'm really good at doing things I say I'm going to do. I'm just really bad at not doing things I say I'm no longer going to do. (There were way too many negatives in that last sentence.) Run 10 miles? Sure, no problem. Don't drink Dr Pepper anymore? Not so fast there, Sancho.

This breach in New Year's resolutions got me pondering the many aspects of my life where I lack self-control. (Don't worry this won't be a pregnancy post on how many trips to the bathroom I have to make in the middle of the night. But if your curiosity is poking you in the elbow fat, it's 4.)

I could probably write a dissertation on this subject. There are just so many aspects of my life that need taming like my unruly armpit hair these days... (It's winter, people.)

1. Dr Pepper. I've already watched all the videos of policemen cleaning their bloody crime scenes up with a two liter of Coca-cola, so I understand the dangers of this poisonous concoction that I willfully shove down my throat. But. I. Can't. Help. It. If you have a solution to how I can rid myself of this deliciousness, don't tell me. My tombstone can just read, "Don't trust her. She wasn't a doctor."

2. Conditioner. Every time I get in the shower, I convince myself that the more of this goop I plop atop my head, the more likely my dry, crusty-crust locks will magically transform into a shiny, sultry mane. Reality is, my hair is deader than my grandma's brittle toenails. My sister has the most beautiful, magical hair in all the land and somehow God decided to skip right over me. Instead of facing this unfortunate truth, I opt to spend an ungodly amount of money on different kinds of conditioner, and I run out of this stuff faster than greased lightning. (What?)

3. Snooze. I used to be a non-snoozer kind of sleeper. My alarm went off, I would get up. Ya know, how it's supposed to work? Now that I've been married to Grahm (yes, everything is his fault) who is a notorious 6- or 7-push-snooze kind of guy, I can't seem to get my fanny out of the sack. Sometimes I even trick myself into thinking "I'm not really snoozing" by setting 5 alarms instead of pushing snooze. But who am I kidding, really? Lazy buns, party of one.

4. Target. This store. I mean, it's like a middle-classer's Wal-Mart. What's the big deal? Yet somehow I convince myself that I need everything that pops up on the shelves. I wouldn't deign to walk across the threshold of the clothing section in Wal-Mart, but Target? Come to mama! Everything seems to be cute and affordable, which is a tragic combo for Grahm's paycheck. (Isn't joint checking amazing?) I can't go into that store without spending at least $50; it's a problem, really. Sometimes Grahm doesn't even let me get a cart. "Take only what you can carry, dear."

Any areas you just can't help yourself in?
No worries, let's just sing this song together.

29 comments:

Fairy Princess Jord said...

I love this entire post. Although I'm not a dr.pepper fan I can definetly relate...I'm really bad at telling myself "don't" but very good at telling myself "do". Most notably with ice cream, I eat a bowl of ice cream every day.

Whitney Alison said...

Binge watching netflix, when I have other stuff to do. Hitting the snooze button 8 million times every morning. There are so many things. I think its just human nature.

Brianna said...

UGH. Dr. Pepper gets me every.single.time. Fo' real! And Target? Girl, don't even get me started!

Sarah @ Life, Love & Dinner said...

I set 6 alarms and one of them has to say 'shower' and the last one says 'you're going to sit in traffic if you don't get up'. Eh, I'm usually sitting in traffic. I also LOVE Dr Pepper and drank way more soda than I wanted to while pregnant and now when I'm nursing, probably because I said I would stop while I was pregnant. Well, I can't stop. It tastes even better when it's from Sonic with the teeny tiny little ice pebbles. Yum!

Courtney Rose said...

I giggled at the armpit hair! You just reminded me that I cannot for the life of me remember the last time I acknowledged mine! Hahaa! I agree it's winter who cares!

Kaysie said...

I am you with coke and coffee, and only notice it may be time for rehab when my heart starts beating so hard I think my ears will float away.

You DO need everything from Target. How much time do you spend in the candle aisle? Make it happen.

Also I've probably only collectively ran 10 miles in my life, so you should be feeling good about that.

You should take this hair opportunity to chop it off! Your mommy hormones will make it grow so fast. If not, go back to Target and buy a "gloss" in your current color - not like dye because it doesn't seep the life out of your hair, but may make it look and feel shiny and woven of gold.

thenancefamilia said...

Girl, I'm right there with you. I used to never snooze and now I set three to four alarms to get my butt out of bed.

Kerri Andersen said...

i am the same way with target- which is saying something because i am one of the most frugal person on the planet. luckily, the closest one is 15 minutes away so it's easier to stay away. haha. that place is therapeutic though, i swear!

Kaili at impeccablykaili said...

I'm with you on all of these. My addiction to Dr. Pepper is crazy out of hand. And I spend way too much time and money at Target. And getting up in the morning is starting to become a nightmare. haha.

Jay T said...

Diet Coke ... Dr Pepper ... soda in general. I don't want to give it up and I don't plan to! And I completely approve of unruly armpit hair ... I hate shaving. I DO shave, but I HATE IT.

Courtney Walsh said...

Not sure if you've tried this already, but if you haven't-- try moroccan oil for your hair!! Seriously, it's aammaazzeeebaallss :)

Rachel said...

I quit Diet Coke last year, and it was SO hard!! I think you just have to want to do it, but if you don't, don't sweat it! And I have a theory about Target - you know how Chinese food contains MSG that makes it basically impossible to resist eating the ENTIRE carton of food?! I think Target sprays something in the air similar to MSG that makes you feel the need to buy ALL THE THINGS! Paranoid? Probably. Plausible? DEFINITELY.

Lauren said...

1) Try coconut oil on your hair!
2) Oh, Target. Target is my Graceland. One time I had to text Ryan a clarifying question on an item and it was taking him a long time to respond. I text him and reminded him where I was... And how dangerous wandering the aisles could be ;)

xoxo

Ashley said...

Oh, I am with you when it comes to Target! I might as well just have work write my paycheck directly to that red bullseye. I used to be a chronic snoozer, but then I married a non-snoozer and it's rubbed off on me, and now I kind of like it. I guess I'll keep him around after all.

Amie Willoughby said...

I LOVE JOINT CHECKING! ;)

Kalyn V said...

OOHhhh Dr. Pepper is my vice. I only drink about one a week (or less) so that they are DELICIOUS when I finally get to have one. I am never good at saying I'm not going to do something, because that just makes me want to do it even more.

Kelsey Eaton said...

I feel like I am missing out because I swear everyone I know says that about Target. Maybe my Target is just crappy or I am too picky haha

Kelsey Eaton said...

I feel like I am missing out because I swear everyone I know says that about Target. Maybe my Target is just crappy or I am too picky haha

Kelsey Eaton said...

I feel like I am missing out because I swear everyone I know says that about Target. Maybe my Target is just crappy or I am too picky haha

Kristin said...

Yes, Target is my problem. I used to live next door (almost) to one and didn't realize how much I used it as an emotional crutch until we moved away. Now it's farther (like an hour) and every time I get to a Target, especially when we're traveling, I must make up for lost time and spend at least $80 instead of $40.

Audrey @ An Aud Blog said...

I have a total lack of will power when it comes to sweets. I really have the ultimate sweet tooth, which doesn't help that I work in a school where there are always candies, donuts, and birthday party cupcakes!

My solution to the Target problem? Live in a town without one...

Katie said...

As soon as I saw this post in my blog feed I IMMEDIATELY started singing Usher. Is it sad that Confessions is on a playlist of mine that I listen to non-stop? It is kind of my jam.

Anyway! You are hilarious. The armpit hair. Your hair being deader than your grandma's toenails. Hilarious. I

Also I just cannot seem to escape my constant Pepsi cravings and yeah I know I am killing myself but at least it is a sweet death. I'd probably have the same Target problem if the nearest one wasn't 45 minutes away.

Julie Joy said...

So many things about this post are hilarious! But on a serious note, the whole snoozing thing is a big problem of mine. My husband will take my phone and turn the alarms off as well as shut the alarm clock on the night stand (because I also set 3 alarms) and tell me to just get up already! Damnit. Kohls is definitely one thing I can't resist. Famous quote - "I have to go there, I have Kohls cash that can't go to waste!" :)

Kalen said...

I've stopped buying the crappy shampoo and conditioner and just get the good stuff. And I'll never go back! I'm on Redken now. Thing is, you have to get it from ulta or a salon otherwise it could be at least a year old by the time it gets to the shelf! From a hairdresser's own mouth. Upsell? Maybe. But my hair is awesome sauce now. Plus you can use that joint account :)

Amanda said...

Sometimes not taking a cart is really the only thing that keeps me from buying all the things. This is why I carry canvas bags on grocery trips-- so I ONLY get what I need. Which really only leads to me carting around heavy bags full of ice cream because I have no self-control. Basically, I feel you. Although I just don't get the craving for sugary colas. I guess this is a good thing? Part of me feels like I'm missing out.

Ashley Robyn said...

I had/have a terrible, no good, rotten relationship with Dr. Pepper. If I'm being honest here, I was drinking up to 6 or sometimes 7 a day. A DAY! I drink it in the morning like starbuck addicts drink their coffee, had one or two with every meal, and a froze one for dinner. YIKES. My new years goal is to not drink or really just not drink AS many!

Sarah Smith said...

Lately, I can't help myself at Gap. I want EVERYTHING from their winter line- especially their big chunky sweaters. I swear it's the only thing getting me through my first Boston winter!

beautifulmess said...

I'm a 3 alarm setting gal myself. Then sometimes I snooze for a while afterwards. I normally don't have to be up by a certain time, so it doesn't usually matter, but then I'll feel like I've slept the day away. Even what my day consists of playing games on facebook and refreshing instagram every 10 minutes.

Oh and I've read that if you use to much conditioner, it strips your hair of the natural oils that get produced and that'll cause you to have dry hair. So weird logic, but more conditioner = dry hair.

Vanessa Blaney said...

I have also succumb to the awful habit of snoozing in since I've been married. I hate to blame it on my husband but it's kind of his fault ;)