6 Things You Should Never Say

Monday, November 25, 2013

A while ago, I wrote a post on what men should never say to women. It was a precursor, if you will, to the very long, ever-growing list of things people should not say to a pregnant lady. Sometimes I want to ask the mindless trolls, "Oh so you have baby brain, too?" but really, all I can do is laugh. Well, first I cry. Then I convince myself it's somewhat hilarious. It's a snot-tastic mess, really.

1. Whoa! Is that twins in there? ...Are you sure?
-I've gotten this question a few times. I guess it's fine (it's not) if you want to throw caution to the wind and make an over-sized lady feel even larger (wise move, pal), but what really chaps me up a wall is when they don't believe me. Yep. You caught me. It's really twins. I was only pretending to be an incubator for one child.

2. Looks like you're gonna have to be on bed rest, honey.
-There are really no words for this one. I know I'm waddling. I know I'm slow. But bed rest? Then again, I may be thinking about this entirely wrong. All day in bed with a bowl of ice cream and using the baby monitor to ask Grahm to bring me things? I think that's a life I could get on board with.

3. Well you look sure look like you could pop any minute!
-Translation: You're not gonna like go into labor right here are you? I get queasy easily. Also, you're ginormous.

4. Better enjoy [insert whatever activity you can think of] now. 
-We get this one all the time. Essentially they're telling you the opposite of the Pringles slogan: "Once you pop, the fun totally stops." Enjoy your sleep... enjoy your date nights... enjoy whatever fun aspect of your life while you can cause your life is never going to be the same. I know these people don't mean to take a dump on our parade, but way to make us feel like Baby Girl is going to be the eternal fun-sucker. Not to mention, DUH. We are perfectly aware that there are lots of sleepless nights ahead, but let's just not bring those up, okay?

5. Did you swallow a basketball?
-Guilty as charged, my friend. I just couldn't resist that delectable orange rubber.

6. Should you really be eating that?
-I don't care if I'm eating enough to feed a third-world country, comments about my diet are about as necessary as the stretchmarks I recently discovered on my hindparts. Sancho, I'm a ravenous, hormonal blob. I'll eat you if I darn well please, so stand aside unless you're gonna help me refill my plate.


Congratulations, Helene! You won the $50 gift card to SomethingMadison!

32 comments:

Kalen said...

They are all such annoying cliché things to say but they will NEVER go away, people will be saying stupid shit like that for years to come. Hooray!

Sarah said...

Btdubs, you're adorable and going through a pregnancy where you're growing a human being and it's perfectly normal to grow "out" since you're 5'nothing" and have nowhere to go. #endrant

You're amazing.

Jo said...

I guess I am the only one, but meh, who cares. People say it in gist. Not to harm. I know I've said it too. So what? Of course if people are purposely trying to put you down then screw them!

Helene in Between said...

haha omg yes!! did you swallow a basketbalL?!?! people are crazy.

Danielle said...

People can be so tackless. I think you look beautiful, lady! How far along are you? I thought it was about 5-6 weeks ahead of me but I can't remember anymore.

Dysart Diaries said...

I said I thought you were beautiful. pregnant bod & no pregnant bod. Love you !

put a bow on it [kaitlyn] said...

The "enjoy your sleep while you can" drove my sister insane. Because yes, it was SO easy to sleep with a huge belly and a baby resting on your bladder. I would want to respond with something like "are you serious? She's not going to sleep through the night from day one? Oh my gosh I need to rethink this" because DUH of course you know that!!

Emily said...

I hope you answered some of those questions with the "Yes, I did swallow the basketball. No baby in here!"

Kalyn V said...

What about random people just touching your belly...? That would totally weird me out.

Katie said...

i can't get over what people say to pregnant woman. an older teacher at my school told me i was starting to get chunky when i was only 14 weeks pregnant. i wanted to punch her!

Whitney Alison said...

Some of the things people say to you when you're preggo are ridiculous. Having been down that road, I'm Veeeeery careful. There are many end of pregnancy women in my office right now. I tread carefully :)

Kaysie said...

Since I'm not preggy, I can only imagine your frustration. I wrote a post about this, "stop telling me not to have babies," that touches on what you said about eternal fun sucking. Why are people so out to tell you how BAD a GOOD thing is supposed to be? I think that is the most annoying, because I get those now like warnings not to have kids for a few more years. People!

Emily said...

These are all very true...having people touch my stomach was probably the weirdest thing though. However, I do have to say, now that I'm on the other side of things, the whole "enjoy ____ while you can" is kind of true. I got annoyed when people said it to me too because people were always focusing on the negative stuff, and I was like, "isn't having a baby supposed to be the happiest, most love-filled thing ever"? Well, it absolutely is, but it's exhausting too. In retrospect, I wish I would have rested and put my feet up more in the last couple weeks of pregnancy...I didn't really need to do that extra load of laundry, etc...because when I went into labor, I was exhausted from the beginning. I also wish I would have cherished a little more some of those random date nights my hubby and I had right before baby. Life with our little guy is definitely better, but also very different...just make sure you savor this time as a family of two before Sawyer comes and makes it even more wonderful!!!

P.S. Sorry for the novel :)

Katie Did What said...

Some people seriously just have no cooth whatsoever. But I enjoyed your commentary greatly. "I'll eat you if I darn well please." haha love you

xo

Kim Matheson said...

Good grief. People can be so thick-headed.

Those are all idiotic, I agree, but I really need to address the "babies as fun-suckers" crap. I have a three-and-a-half month old (amazing little boy) and my life hasn't changed that much. The Husband Dude and I still get out to do the things we love (driving dates with coffee. One of my favourite things). I still get out to visit with my friends (they love to coo over The Little Dude). There's no fun suckage to be had. Haters gon' hate.

You're awesome and I am just really excited for you folks to meet that perfect little girl! :)

Ashley Robyn said...

Ahhh so frustrating I'm sure. I am worried of how I would react to people actually saying these things out loud. Not ok.

Evelien said...

Hehe :)
I think I've been pretty lucky so far with the comments, but then again... I tend to stay inside mostly so people don't get a chance to say something...

Emilie Bordeleau-Laroche said...

This is hilarious!! Great things to keep in mind!

Jena said...

I think I've been the most blessed pregnant woman in the world so far; no one has really said anything stupid, yet. I get a lot of "you're so tiny." which is annoying, bc i've gained 30+ lbs at this point and THAT does not FEEL TINY! ... but i suppose i prefer that over any of the ones that insinuate I'm a big as a hippo.

Lauren said...

Oh, my dear. The books should warn you that with EVERYTHING you get with pregnancy, comes assholes who don't think and say very asshole-y things. I had several guys that I work with make indirect references to my va-jay-jay and how awful it would be to push something out of it. Yep.

You are glowing, and going to be a fantastic mama. Eat all you damn well please and enjoy the excuse to do so :)

Also, read this and laugh. http://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2010/4/15/10-things-to-never-say-to-a-pregnant-woman.html

xoxo

Mimsie said...

Please write a post on spelling....gist? tackless? cooth? ARRRGGHHH.

Sarah Smith said...

Really?!?! People really ask you if you've swallowed a basketball? I can't imagine ever saying that to a preggo?!!

Elle Vee said...

You should really lay off the basketballs, they make your belly swell ;)

cgute said...

I'd love to tell you that all of these annoying things will end at the birth of your beautiful Sawyer Girl, but alas... My pregnancy was just as annoying because my little girl wasn't getting big ENOUGH. I got "omg you need to eat more, girl." Or "you're STARVING that baby!!!" Grass is always greener on the other side I guess.. My Jordyn was born 4 weeks early and weighed 4lb 14oz. Everywhere I go people think she's on display for them to put their grimes hands all over. I'm not a germ-aphobe but let's get the facts here:1.) it's FLU season 2.) I just told you she's a Preemie which usually comes with more caution 3.) I don't freakin know you!? I don't recall ever walking up to a person and rubbing all over their baby's head while I walk beside the total stranger half way through the mall like we've been friends since grade school... Trust me girl. It's coming. But what's also coming is the most JOY you've ever experienced in your life. The sleepless nights and puke stained shirts are nothing compared to that overwhelming love you experience when you look at her sweet face. This girl sums it up so well: http://katiewetherbee.wordpress.com/2012/02/06/joy-or-just-wait/

CONGRATS to your big healthy belly and sweet moments ahead.

Kristin said...

DYING! This is hilarious. No kids for me yet, but my friends who have had kiddos have all said the same thing: you would never essentially say "you're huge" to a non-pregnant woman, so why would you say it to a pregnant women?! (Also - you look amazing!)

Lins - Domesticated Working Woman said...

AMEN!!! I've gotten the twin comment soooo many times. I have convinced myself it's because we were so small to begin with that people just can't fathom this big belly on our frame.

Christina S said...

I loved reading this! I actually messed around once with my sister when she was pregnant and asked if she swallowed a basketball..haha
Just found your blog!!
I am now following! I look forward to keeping up!!

xo
Christina
www.christinawhoblog.com

The Lady Okie said...

Okay, for real, though. #4 is kind of why I still don't think I'm ready to have a kid. People say that crap, and it freaks me out! I have issues.

CoastWithMe said...

My cousin just had a baby....and she was so tired of hearing the "advice"....from family and friends to perfect strangers. People think it's advice...but really...it's a backhanded compliment/insult (I don't know if I'm using the right word/phrase thingy lol). Sorry you have to put up with this kinda crap Jena! I appreciate you expressing your feelings. I'm sure I've done one of the above unknowingly (probably #4)...but this teaches all of us a lesson to really think before we speak and be more sensitive to people's feelings:)! Take care darlin!

Julie Joy said...

Lol. I love your outlook on these random things in life! :) I don't have a child yet... but I can totally understand where your coming from with each and every one of those "comments" people say! So rude! Regardless, you still look adorable!

Jana said...

Oh girl, you never fail to crack me up! I got every single one of those comments when I was pregnant and they are just so annoying. But your commentary made it hilarious. :) You're a gem. Also, I think you look absolutely adorable. You rock that bump very well.

Jenna said...

Oh too funny! That would bother me too... I mean, hello? Thanks a lot captain obvious! lol. Hope you and hubs have a Happy Thanksgiving!