6 Things You Should Never Say

Monday, November 25, 2013

A while ago, I wrote a post on what men should never say to women. It was a precursor, if you will, to the very long, ever-growing list of things people should not say to a pregnant lady. Sometimes I want to ask the mindless trolls, "Oh so you have baby brain, too?" but really, all I can do is laugh. Well, first I cry. Then I convince myself it's somewhat hilarious. It's a snot-tastic mess, really.

1. Whoa! Is that twins in there? ...Are you sure?
-I've gotten this question a few times. I guess it's fine (it's not) if you want to throw caution to the wind and make an over-sized lady feel even larger (wise move, pal), but what really chaps me up a wall is when they don't believe me. Yep. You caught me. It's really twins. I was only pretending to be an incubator for one child.

2. Looks like you're gonna have to be on bed rest, honey.
-There are really no words for this one. I know I'm waddling. I know I'm slow. But bed rest? Then again, I may be thinking about this entirely wrong. All day in bed with a bowl of ice cream and using the baby monitor to ask Grahm to bring me things? I think that's a life I could get on board with.

3. Well you look sure look like you could pop any minute!
-Translation: You're not gonna like go into labor right here are you? I get queasy easily. Also, you're ginormous.

4. Better enjoy [insert whatever activity you can think of] now. 
-We get this one all the time. Essentially they're telling you the opposite of the Pringles slogan: "Once you pop, the fun totally stops." Enjoy your sleep... enjoy your date nights... enjoy whatever fun aspect of your life while you can cause your life is never going to be the same. I know these people don't mean to take a dump on our parade, but way to make us feel like Baby Girl is going to be the eternal fun-sucker. Not to mention, DUH. We are perfectly aware that there are lots of sleepless nights ahead, but let's just not bring those up, okay?

5. Did you swallow a basketball?
-Guilty as charged, my friend. I just couldn't resist that delectable orange rubber.

6. Should you really be eating that?
-I don't care if I'm eating enough to feed a third-world country, comments about my diet are about as necessary as the stretchmarks I recently discovered on my hindparts. Sancho, I'm a ravenous, hormonal blob. I'll eat you if I darn well please, so stand aside unless you're gonna help me refill my plate.

Congratulations, Helene! You won the $50 gift card to SomethingMadison!

a list

Friday, November 15, 2013

The very sweet Jennie asked me to guest post on her adorable blog with a list of ten things I'm thankful for. Because I think we could all use a little more gratefulness in our lives, I'm also sharing my short but sweet list with you today. 

1. Sawyer Marie and feeling her little kicks in my belly. We absolutely cannot wait to meet her.
2. Grahmsterdoodle. He's been dealing with a ravenous, hormonal preggo lately. He needs a trophy. 
3. Yoga Pants. What did pregnant women do before these things, y'all? 
4. Stretchmark cream...cause, ya know...
5. Panera's mac n cheese. Seriously, it's out of this world. 
6. The countdown to seeing my family for Thanksgiving is getting so small! 6 days!
7. Speaking of Turkey day, it's going to be pretty amazing being pregnant on my favorite day of the year. No judgment for my third or fourth servings, right? 
8. This Song. I'm not sure why, but it's constantly on repeat. 
9. My Swiffer products. I think that's the lamest thing I've ever said, but seriously. I absolutely love them.
10. Fall weather. San Antonio is just now getting its act together, and I couldn't be more thrilled to bust out my scarves and long johns. 

What are you thankful for?

the Unmentionables

Thursday, November 14, 2013

So maybe it's just us. 
Maybe your house would make Martha Stewart cry tears of joy--perfection in every nook and organized cranny. Over here in the Roach casa, try as I might, we still have a few places that I don't want anyone to ever discover. Most of these "unmentionables" are behind closed doors. Easy to hide, easy to forget... kinda like my elbow fat.

Call it nesting; call it a small case of OCD; call it an excuse to go to the Container Store. But there was one unmentionable I couldn't handle for another gosh darn minute.
Brace yourselves for our pantry.
I mean, what in the world is going on here? Two words. Yiiii-ikes. For a gal who prides herself in a clean, organized house... well, this was just unacceptable.
It was a cluster, my friends, a "let's just ignore the expiration date and shove everything toward the back" mess. Something had to be done. 

I quickly headed to the Container Store, a little slice of heaven on earth, for some much needed inspiration. I wanted a user friendly and pretty pantry--something that wouldn't make me want to curl into a ball and die any time a friend looked inside.

Before you go spend a bunch of money, make a list of all the items your family normally purchases. I knew I needed about 12 big containers (recipe books, bread, pasta, rice, chips, crackers, cereal, quinoa, protein bars, seasonings, baking goods). Depending on the size of your family and what all you buy/want to store in a nifty container, you may need more or less bins for the pantry. 

Then search your house for containers you can repurpose. Chances are you have some mason jars, bins, or old baskets you aren't using. I know we did!
We only purchased two things from the Container Store: a spice rack and door organizer. Upon realizing that I could get all the containers I wanted at Wal-Mart and the Dollar Store for significantly cheaper, we quickly ditched the overpriced wonderland and headed for our neck of the woods to buy the containers we needed for cheap.

I then printed off some free labels here. This gal even offers several blank ones for you to customize, since we don't all buy the same things.
These cute jars I found at the Dollar Store.
I added a few baskets we had around the house to hold our recipe books and bread. 
Would you like to come to my house and meal plan for me? Look, I even got you this fancy pants clipboard.
It's simple, easy to navigate, and (most importantly) nice on the eyeballs.

Here's hoping an organized pantry will miraculously make me want to cook. Dream big, right?

Win a $50 Gift Card!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

It's almost Christmas time, which means it's almost time for all of us to get in the gift-giving spirit. And by that I mean, we all need to find something fabulous to wear for our upcoming holiday parties. AmmmIright?
Well, I have the perfect-o solution.

SomethingMadison is a new clothing boutique, and I'm in love with this adorable shop! Madison sent me this tribal cardigan, and I've practically lived in ever since. (No, really. Ask Grahm.) I mean, it's cute and comfy and great with some leggings and boots. Hello, perfect fall outfit! (Just ignore the belly button.)
How do you fashion bloggers get your husbands to take pictures of you every day? Awwwkward.

I love its unique print and lightweight fabric. It's perfection for preggos and non-preggos alike!

Her adorable shop has all kinds of fun things to buy: fall cardigans, fun dresses, and must-have accessories! Seriously, I'm obsessed. With her affordable pricing AND free shipping policy, it's your perfect one-stop-shop for Christmas gifts (for yourself or others).

Madison has graciously offered up the chance to win a $50 gift card to her new shop. I don't know about you, but I could seriously go for some Christmas cash right about now. 

Go check out her fabulous site, and leave a comment telling us what you'd buy with your gift card!

Good luck, y'all! 

"Just Shut Up"

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Those are the words I wanted to say to an older lady at Target yesterday. She had a snaggletooth, unkempt black hair, and a floral cardigan that looked like something Maria Von Trapp had crafted from her bedroom curtains. Now normally I don't want to open a can of "Are you kidding me?" on a total stranger. I go to the red pie in the sky for some necessary ill-advised retail therapy, not to throw diaper boxes at older ladies.

There I was, perusing the diaper aisle at Target and completely consumed by my thoughts on cloth diapering (pathetic, yes). I was wearing yoga pants (as always) and a tank top that greatly accentuated my baby bump. My hair was in complete disarray, thrown haphazardly in a bun. My thick, brown glasses were a poor attempt at hiding the complete lack of makeup on my pale, childlike face. (The husband's away, the mascara does not come out to play.) And I was carrying a couple of long-sleeved shirts that I was going to purchase for myself.

I caught this woman staring at me from the end of the aisle, and I knew she was about to approach me. A weird thing about being pregnant is that people love to talk to you. Random people. They love to ask you about your pregnancy, the gender, when you're due, etc. It's a strange sense of community that I've felt with several people who've I never met and probably will never see again, and I'd be lying to you if I told you I didn't love every second of it.

When the woman opened her mouth to converse with me, I assumed she would be asking me the same sorts of questions. After all, I was in the baby aisle and I was very obviously pregnant. Questions, however, were the last thing on this lady's obvious agenda.

"Hi there. I see you're looking at the diapers."
Thank you, Captain Obvious. "That's right. Just trying to figure out the best ones that aren't going to cost me a fortune, if you know what I mean." (Fake laugh.) Please don't give me your two cents on Pampers vs. Luvs.
She grimaced and shook her head as though I had just told her a puppy died. "Well dear, that's what we get when we make poor life choices. We have to deal with the consequences of our actions, and unfortunately, it looks like paying for diapers isn't going to be something you can avoid."
"Um, right." I awkwardly shuffle backward. "I didn't mean that I won't love to pay for them. But they are diapers, after all. No one actually wants to pay for those things." (Fake laugh, fake laugh. More awkward shuffles.)
"I understand. I just thought you should know that this isn't the bottom for you. Just because you made one mistake doesn't mean that Jesus won't..."

I stopped listening at that point. I could feel my face grow warm with embarrassment. My grip around the cotton shirts in my hand significantly tightened, as I realized what she was implying.

She thinks I'm a knocked-up teenager too poor to pay for diapers.

I'm not against confrontation (Grahm will laugh when he reads that). Usually, I can handle my own. People assuming I'm 14 or 15 is nothing new to me, as you may recall from this post. But this completely floored me. I was flabbergasted at her brash comments, her hasty assumptions, and her completely misguided "Jesus talk." This frizzy lady knew me about as well as she knew how to use a comb, and yet ... she was judging me, lecturing me in the middle of Target, and preaching to me that Jesus can get me through this "trying time." I was frozen and furious and completely mortified.

When she finally finished her speech, most of which I completely tuned out, I mumbled something about being "24 and married and uh, thanks for your concern." I waddled away as quickly as my pregnant legs would carry me and made a mental note to try not to look homeless next time I'm in public.

On my way home, I was confused. Should I laugh or cry? This woman might have had good intentions, I don't know. I don't know her heart. But her approach was wrong, so so wrong. She made me feel cornered and judged, not loved and cared about. I mean, how could she? She didn't even know my name, let alone my life story.

I got to stewing on this interaction for the rest of the evening, and one question kept coming to my mind: Why do people hate Christians? Some people may say, "We are hated because others are ignorant to the truth" or "God told us we would suffer." All of those may be true, but did you every consider people hate Christians because of us, the Christians?

It's because of people just like this misguided woman at Target, people just like ME, that we are so loathed by our culture. We love to waggle our self-righteous fingers at someone else, whether we know them or not. We don't care about their lives or their hurting hearts; we care about the "rules." We care about our opinions; we don't care about Christ's. We care about our own grace; we don't care about anyone else's. We care about justice; we don't care about truly sharing the gospel.

Oftentimes, I think the best way we can love people--the most effective way of displaying Christ to our friends, our families, and the random people we meet in Target--is exactly what I wanted to yell at this unkind, old lady... just shut up.

Hello, Goodbye

Friday, November 1, 2013

Goodbye, October. 
Hello, November. Can you be a little more fallish for me? I have a scarf collection any gay man would swoon over, yet I've had zippo chances to wear them. Tragedy.

Goodbye, shaving.
Hello, No Shave Novemeber. (Bwhah. Sorry, Grahm!)

Goodbye, Halloween and Tom Hanks' themed costumes and stuffing our faces with ungodly amounts of candy. It's okay, fun size (ahem, bite size) doesn't count. Also, I'm pregnant so don't deny me my Almond Joys unless you want me to open a maternal can of whoop-buns.

Hello, my favorite holiday. Family and food and traditional Black Friday shopping. Pumpkin pie and stretchy pants, which is perfect since I'm constantly wearing yoga pants anyway. It's like this day was made for pregnant women. Get in my belly (the food not the baby, since she already is).
Goodbye, saving money. (Ha. I just laughed out loud.) 
Hello, Christmas preparations! Is it too soon to talk about how I want to decorate the house for the most wonderful time of the year? Grahm and I have been in the process of moving the past two Christmases, so this will be our first year that we actually get to join in on the festivities. We're going ALL OUT, people. Someone is gonna have to hold me back from those Hobby Lobby sales.

Goodbye, baby-preparation procrastination.
Hello, getting this nursery donezo.

Goodbye, missing my family.
Hello, countdown to Nashville (my last trip of the year/this pregnancy).

Goodbye, GFC. 
Hello, BlogLovin. I'm so late to the blog party (as always), but find me on BL please? 

Linking up with the beautiful Allison!