Living With a Boy, Part Two

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Men are like clockwork, completely and utterly predictable in their strange, grizzwaldo habits. Over a year ago, I wrote this post. My little self had been living with my new husband for six months, and I was just discovering all of the "marvels" of living with a man. That was only the beginning, let me tell you.

Since then, I've happened upon some more interesting habits from my main homeslice. Someday I will let him write a post about all of my weird quirks for revenge, but until then... let's examine.
                       
1. Shaving. Don't get me wrong. I'm a fan of the clean shaven face. No one likes to brush up against the bristle and thistle of unruly man hair. I just never knew this could be such a production until I got married. You'd think Chewbacca just got a buzz cut because my sinks are in complete disarray afterward.

2. Unresponsive texts. If I go more than three hours without responding to your text, I'm either dead or ignoring you. Grahm, however, could go all day without looking at his phone. At the end of his day, he'll see that his needy wife has texted/called at least 5 times. Does he then respond and turn his phone off of silent? Oh no. Sheeshkabobs. I'm tempted to "lose" his phone for him and pocket the $80 bucks we pay a month. Waste, I tell ya.

3. Poop Time. I know I covered this in my last post. However, this habit has and will always astound me. Yeah, yeah. It's necessary. But last time I checked, dropping it like it's hot only requires two maybe three minutes. TOPS. Boys love to drag that process out. Why? I'll never know. It's not a long ordeal, guys.

Now Grahm and I have come a long way since our first two weeks of marriage when we lived in this 400 sq. ft. apartment and had to have poop music to drown out the splitter splatter any time either of us needed to get down to business. ("Push It," anyone?)

Now we have three royal thrones for his majesty to choose from. Without fail, he always picks my guest bath. Can't ya just drop your drawers upstairs in the comfort of our own bathroom? It's also amazing the timing of these epic adventures. Somehow boys always have the urge to purge after the porcelain pots have been scrubbed to perfection, or when we need them to do something. "Yeah, babe... just give me a couple minutes and I'll be right there."

4. Oblivion. This one is my favorite. We've been in our house almost a year. I know this place like the crook of my elbow fat. But Grahm? It's like the kid just moved in yesterday. Earlier this week we had stovetop pizza, and he asked where the oven-mitts are... Same place they've always been, dear. The drawer right next to the oven. Sigh. He'd be literally lost without me, folks.
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Good thing our men are cute, right?

30 comments:

Pamela said...

ohhhhh, boys!!!

Jennie Grange said...

hahahah this is perfect.

Alexa said...

Nailed. It. My goodness, those men! Happy happy joy, I can relate to 1, 3, and 4 - we've now lived together for 4 1/2 freaking years and I still don't think I'll ever get used to the nastiness! And I stand firm in my belief that husbands and wives should really just be neighbors instead of roommates. Wouldn't this be the happiest medium in the world?!

Amy said...

I could have wrote this exact same post. My edits would be as follows...

Beard trimming - instead of little teeny tiny shaved hairs, they're long pube looking trimmings.

Unresponsive texts - exactly. Doesn't he care that I'm worried about him and whether something happened and that is WHY he isn't answering me?

Bathroom time - he loves to announce it and talk about it. Swear this is his favourite topic of life.

Oblivion - considering he's the dish doer... he should know where things go... but he doesn't.

Men haha.

Lauren H Edmondson said...

OBLIVION! Yes. My husband can never seem to remember where ANYTHING is, even if he is the one who put it away. Silly boys.

Lauren said...

i found myself nodding in agreement to EACH and EVERY one of these.

we're absolultey from different planets.

Sarah said...

Push-It. Bwaaaaaahahahaha

Jamie K. said...

Touche touche! This is all SO true for us as well... Chris ALWAYS uses the guest bath and then the FEW times I use his sink instead of mine in the master bath he tells me it is his?? Umm... seriously?! Also- Chris can't keep his head screwed on straight without me, I feel ya there girl :)

Emily said...

When we got married and moved in together the first thing my good friend asked me? What happens when you need to poop?!?!?!

Melissa said...

OMG I don't feel so alone now! I could have sworn that the poop time, shaving and unresponsive texts was just my husband! My husband still uses background noises to drown out his business. AMEN! Why can't they use one bathroom?! He dirties them all up!

Sarah @ Life, Love & Dinner said...

I laughed so hard reading this. Truly L'dOL. When my husband and I first bought our house, I loved 'pulling a Monica' and yelling out "I have to live with a boyy!". Little did I know, the best was yet to be. As in, each of your points, plus some. The thing that makes me the craziest? It's a tie. Between not ever knowing where anything is and therefore putting everything away in the wrong places and then blaming ME for cluttered cabinets. Or pooping in the guest bathroom, because it's the "best one to poop", even though it is on the first floor, next to our kitchen. Gross.

Courtney said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Courtney said...

As they say, you can't live with them and you can't live without them. I feel you though! My fiance doesn't answer his phone either, even when it's not on silent and it's on. He also would be lost without me. Oh, and he also looses things all the time. He lost his wallet twice.

Treasure Tromp said...

ah the last two are perfect. absolutely perfect.

Katie said...

So true!! My husband and I also spent our first 6 months as a married couple in a 400 sq ft apartment. Even then he couldn't find things. It's not like there were many places to look!

Emilie Bordeleau-Laroche said...

Bahahaha this is the best thing I've read all week!

Sara said...

Oh geez-I think you married a clone of my husband! LOL! I laughed all the way through this!

Erin LFF said...

Bahahah! #4!! Jared ALWAYS asks me where stuff is, 2.5 years in this house!!! Or his other thing is just "Do we have any.." and it's always an item that I'm like of course we have that! haha

Becky said...

Hahaha Peter is the same way with texts!!! Most of the time if I ask why he didn't respond, he's like " i couldn't think of anything to say back". Then he'll text me saying something random and gosh forbid if I don't respond haha. boys are so silly

Lauren said...

This is awesome!! Ha! It is nice to know there is not something wrong with my husband... when we can not remember where things go after living somewhere two years! :) But is he cute soo...

The Lady Okie said...

Do you have brothers? The whole poop thing was not a surprise at all. I have vivid memories of coming home from church and having my brothers sprint to our two bathrooms and sit in there for like a half hour! Um hello! I need to go too, please.

Whitney said...

YES. after coming from a house with only one sister, all this stuff totally shocked me. Especially the whole being oblivious thing!

Sasha Savy said...

I am dying over the poop part! It's all so true. It's like a ritual for him! I swear he could start and finish a book during that time! Loved this!

Audrey @ An Aud Blog said...

Hilarious! Especially the "oblivion" thing. As far as the poop goes, my husband is like a pooping phantom. He sneaks in before my alarm goes off in the morning... But we are newly weds so that may not last!!

Kate @ Classy Living said...

I'm newly married and we didn't live together before the big day, so I can definitely relate to ALL of this!

I truly am mystified by the bathroom time and I thought it was just my husband! Glad to know that other people's men are the same way :)

Megan D said...

I'm rolling! My sentiments on men enjoying their toilet time are the same as yours...I mean does it really take 45 minutes to get the job done? I have never CHOSEN to sit their that long, if you catch my drift. Men...so vastly different from us women. Oh man!

Kayla Peveler said...

Caleb and I have only been married like 5 months and he always asks me where things like sugar are... ?!? Where its ALWAYS been! I don't hoard it by my bedside.... or maybe I do... ;)

Z @ Kicking Kilos said...

LOL hilarious!
I can relate to not responding to texts( to mine)

And, I think they love to play candy crush or some thing or the other while crapping.

Alyssa said...

This is so funny and so true just of the boys that I know and don't live with.

The texting one gets me. Granted, I work at a job where I have unlimited access to my phone and thus, it's always with me. And if I don't answer a text/call, it's because I'm a) on vacation, b) in a long meeting which is rare or c) dead. So I don't understand how guys don't even think about it.

My dad doesn't know where most things are. Silly men.

Katie Adams said...

If my husband and the Ipad are missing... I know where to find him. Enough said.