Our relationship did not end well. After this project, I vowed to never ever ever (Taylor Swift style) attempt upholstery again. But then... Like I did with my college boyfriend, I decided to go back one more time. ("I want yoouuu back.") Somehow I convinced myself that he was all donuts and rainbows, and the problem was actually with me. "This time will be different," I said like I do every time I use my wand curling iron.
...That ended up being true because this time (much like it was with my ex-boyfriend) was much, much worse. Upholstering while pregnant should be a crime, people. A freakin' felony. My tear ducts are still trying to heal from the monsoon of crazy lady tears I shed over this project.
I started with a heart full of hope and this dingy $20 love seat that I bought from a Craigslist guy, who really wanted me to buy everything else in his house. Uh, no thanks. I'm a sucker for anything wingback, so when I saw this green heinous piece, I couldn't convince myself to stay away. Like my husband to an Oreo, baby.
For my wingback chair, I used a flat head screwdriver and pliers to remove the hundreds and hundreds of staples. Grahm found me this $5 "tack remover" from Home Depot, and it made my life a whole lot easier because of its angle and groove.
There's something cathartic about digging into a piece of furniture and pulling out the staples one by one. Maybe this is why I like plucking Grahm's eyebrows so much.
Be careful when you take the bazillions of staples out of your furniture. You don't want to damage the fabric, because you'll need to save everything, and I mean everything (cording, cardboard, fabric, nail trim, etc.) to use later. Why make your own cording when you can sew around the old one? It also helps to take lots of pictures in your deconstruction process for reference.
After hours and hours and hours of pulling staples and listening to my paranoid husband freak out about the hardwood floors (chill out, old man), I eventually had a bare naked lady in our dining room. The foam was in surprisingly good condition, so I just gave it a nice vacuum.
I then labeled all of my pieces. Trust me. You will either forget what went where by the time you're finished, or you'll want to torch the entire thing and force your husband to take you to Pottery Barn.
I painted the heinous green legs with some Annie Sloan Coco. It perfectly accents the fabric I chose. While taking this picture, I'm pretty sure Grahm said something like, "Babe, you need to smile so people won't know you were sobbing over this project two minutes ago." It's true. I was. I then ate ice cream. Judge away.
Next it was pattern time. I took my new fabric and cut a pattern from the pieces I removed. This part always makes me nervous, because upholstery fabric is NOT cheap. I bought 8 yards from Joann's at 60% off, and I'm still complaining. (My mom and I are conspiracy theorists and totally think they mark the fabric way up just so they can have "sales" like those and manipulate naive DIYers like me.) Phew, soap box.
I started stapling it back together, piece by piece. This part is really tricky and requires a lot of patience and ice cream. Eventually, it will start coming together and you won't be as panicked about blowing $100 bucks on fabric.
It's not perfect. There's one part that will always make me cringe. (And no, I won't point it out to you.) But hey, I got through it. And I learned a valuable lesson like I did in college. Ex's are ex's for a reason. No one is allowed to let me upholster again. Okay? Okay.
Now excuse me, I'm off to iron my throw pillow...
$20 --- Love seat
Free --- Tack Remover
Free --- Pliers
Free --- Staples and Staple Gun (Thanks, Papa Roach!)
$120 --- 8 yards of upholstery fabric