Not Gonna Happen

Monday, August 12, 2013

Grahm and I Googled it.
Turns out Roach isn't exactly the worst name out there. (Sorry, Mr. Harry Buns, Merl Lester, and Katie Titsworth. Looks like the jokes on you.)

I knew when I said yes to G-money, I was also saying yes to having a heinous surname. ("Jena Roach, Roach like the bug.") What I didn't realize, however, was the enormous impact this critter-y last name would have on naming our future children.

There's already enough pressure when it comes to naming your kid. It has to be original. Not too weird, but not too plain. Not overdone, but not never done. Essentially, you're trying to find the happy medium between "HashTag" and "Jane." (Good luck with that.)

There aren't any rules (there should be) when it comes to naming your children (aka how they're going to be made fun of for the rest of their lives). Some people take that creative license and run a marathon with it (Apple, Cricket Pearl, Audio Science, North West). No,  I didn't make any of those up. Other people are about as inventive as the wart on my big toe (Bill, Bob, Tom, Tim).
So slap the last name "Roach" onto your baby naming problems, and the limitations are endless.

We find out the gender in two weeks (!!!!), so names aren't really on our radar quite yet. However, there are definitely some names that can never happen due to our name.

So here it is, our ever-growing "Absolutely Never Gonna Happen because Our Last Name is Roach" list:

Cock Roach 
(Even if your last name isn't Roach, for the love of humanity don't name your kid Cock.)
Precious Roach
Roman Roach
Mia Roach
Ima Roach
Ada Roach
Katie Ada Roach (Full sentences are just off the table.)
Harry Roach
Violet Roach (or any other color)
Paisley Roach (or any other pattern/texture)

Most of these names (okay, all of these names) were never real options anyway. But you get the gist. We have one tough task ahead of us.

Moral of the story: Feel sorry for our kids.

19 comments:

Whitney H said...

I'm seriously cracking up right now. And you totally ruined naming my future child because it was TOTALLY going to be Cock.

KatyK said...

The naming game is so difficult. We went back and forth for ages trying to either go with names reflecting our ethnic background (there are so many awful Hebrew names), or something resume appropriate, (she needs a job one day), something she could spell in kindergarte, and also something that didn't spell or sound bad as initials. In the end, we named her something that fits her and it all worked out. Best of luck Roach fam!

Kalyn V said...

Haha your poor little baby Roach! Those names are hilarious... I think "precious roach" is my favorite

lori said...

so funny! as if naming your kid isn't enough pressure already! ;)

Nicole said...

Picking names is HARD! We found out we're having a little boy :) so we started looking and actually have it narrowed down to 3 names. We are going to be "those" people who don't tell anyone the names we pick, because people are just so judgmental! They tell you which one they like better, or try to convince you to not pick one name or the other. So waiting until he's born, they have to like it either way! And who is really gonna bash a baby? Well, unless the name is North West or something...lol.

Veronica Lee Burns said...

haha that does sound hard...I think Burns will be kind of difficult too and I worry about those fun making names kids will come up with...

We named our dog Paisley Grace...since then, I've come across WAY too many people that named their daughter that! Oops... I didn't realize that could be a first name for real...

Becky said...

Haha that list is hilarious!! Good luck with naming your kiddio :)

Melissa said...

Oh man I definitely don't envy you! Lucky for me I married "up", as I like to call it, and am now Bolt (far better than Arbogast). At first it's cool until you start thinking about names such as: Rusty, Lightning and Thunder

Kayla Peveler said...

OMG I literally about spit my drink out over Katie Ada Roach...hahahahah.

RitaMarie said...

Ouch! Hard last name!

My husband and I already have our kiddos first and middle names picked out so if we are ever lucky enough to get pregnant, we know exactly what the name will be. Now, just to get pregnant... :)

Jana said...

I died while reading this. We never had that problem, since my last name isn't a thing. It's just a name. Can't wait to hear if your munchkin is playing for Team Pink or Team Blue! :)

Lindsay said...

HAHAHA, love it!!!!! Our last name is Joly. It's pronounced like Angelina Jolie, buuuut we get "Jolly" the most. (Fun Fact: I was almost named Holly and at the last minute, my mom decided to name me after my late aunt and I got Lindsay. I was THISCLOSE to one day becoming Holly Jolly. Kill me now.) My husband is 6'4" and in high school everyone called him "Jolly Green Giant." Finding names for our kids that don't sound moronic with not only Joly but Jolly, too, is a pain in the butt, lol.

Ashley said...

Names really are SO hard!!!! Whatever you choose will be so, so cute, though!

Meg @ Mr.C and Me said...

haha nice post, good luck with your name search.

a family in my howmetown are actually Roaches too - think one of the daughters was named Shelby. anyway, i'm sure you'll find something to fit!

Amanda Bumgarner said...

This are hilarious! I too have a sad last name. Bumgarner isn't the name of a critter, but it IS long. 3 syllables is 2 TOO LONG. So everyone shortens it to "Bum." In that respect, most of these are out for us too. I mean, really, Ima Bum? Cock Bum? I think you see what I mean.

Sarah said...

Roman. Please? Seriously, coolest baby on the block.

Allison said...

Hahahahaha! Katie Ada Roach is my favorite! That does make things tricky, but you will come up with a beautiful name and even if you don't I'm sure your baby's cuteness will make up for that fact that he or she is a roach. Haha. :)

Sarah Smith said...

Seriously SO funny. I finished reading and immediately reread it to my husband because, of course, he needed in on the hilarity! I can't wait to find out what you DO name baby roach!!

Alyssa said...

Someone in my circle has the last name of Dickel. And they named their sons Hugh (Really?!! Hugh Dickel) and William (Willy Dickel..that's just a double whammy).

So I'm with you. I judge people if they name their kids something that'll end up getting them teased for years.