Don't Do It

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. I mean the transformation your body has to endure to bring life into this world is nothing short of miraculous. But let's be honest (I always am), it's also kind of gross. I mean. You explode. You swell. You start producing things only a cow should be able to do (moo). You can't eat sushi (don't get me started on that one). Your hips even move, for Pete's sake.

Don't get me wrong. I will happily do all of these things. I'd grow a third boob between my eyewinkers if that meant having a child of my own. But you gotta admit, some of the itty gritties of pregnancy are a little less than stellar.

So when you find out you're pregnant, do yourself a favor and avoid these things like I've been shirking the gym lately. Learn from my mistakes, my friends, and don't do it.

1. Don't Google "Stretch marks." Just trust me on this one. While you're at it, avoid phrases like "Eating the Placenta," "What Happens to Your Boobs When you Get Pregnant," "Birth Canal," and other terrifying images that will haunt your slumber. (My WHAT is gonna do WHAT!) You know what, just avoid Google altogether.

2. Don't go swimsuit shopping for the cruise you registered for before you knew you were pregnant. That'll make depressed faster than you can say, "There are no cute one-piece swimsuits in this world."

3. And finally, most importantly, if you take nothing away from this post... do not, I repeat DO NOT, volunteer with your husband for nursery duty the Sunday after you find out you're expecting. We did this, a mere 48 hours after I peed on four pregnancy sticks, and we walked away feeling completely numb--like someone had run over us with a tiny toy truck. We were exhausted, disoriented, and strangely emotional ("Why won't this kid stay in the corner like I told him to!?"). Any shred of joy completely disintegrated within those two horrific hours. We got through it by telling ourselves the same lie all future parents tell themselves, "Our kids will be different."


40 comments:

Heather said...

15 weeks right here, and I am about to go completely insane with my sushi craving. Definitely not one of those "I love being pregnant" women.

P!nky said...

You look great!

And yes, I'm totally avoiding google when I'm pregnant [in a few years hopefully]. Shoot, I probably won't read any books, just let it happen and then oh it's time to have a baby ;)

xoxo

Kayla Peveler said...

Nursery duty takes a strong person. Any kids ministry position does.

Now I weirdly kind of WANT to google "stretch marks...." but I shouldn't. HA! You look adorable ma'am!

Ashley Robyn said...

Eak! Nursery duty scares me. But you are such a cute pregnant lady!

rachel said...

I am so glad you've been posting again! And CONGRATULATIONS on the Baby Roach! :)

Amy said...

you do look great!
And as a girl who can only wear one pieces...you're right there are very few cute ones out there (especially under $100!!)

RitaMarie said...

You look so good! Sooo excited for you! My husband and I are trying to get pregnant- I will follow this advice.

Kim Matheson said...

Hah! Good advice. Unavoidable things that you absolutely do not need to worry about...because they are unavoidable.... (Well. Mostly.) 37-weeks tomorrow and I actually am loving the pregnancy thing. I haven't had it hugely easy (morning sickness, some back pain - prenatal yoga is a Godsend, and a late diagnosis with gestational diabetes), but it's been really, REALLY cool! Especially when The Little Man became Squiggles McGee and started to move around. THAT is neat. :)

Can't wait to read more about your pregnancy, lady! Enjoy the heck out of it - as much as is possible, given certain things (like a lack of meat sushi - ugh. Totally agree)! :)

CoastWithMe said...

You are going to make THEE cutest pregnant lady! I'm so happy for you guys Jena! And honey you could totally rock a bikini...and do it with confidence! You look beautiful!! P.S. I have no idea what it's like to be pregnant, but I'm sure it's scary, terrifying, and uncomfortable, so I may be speaking from inexperience, but you're doing great girl:)!

Sarah said...

When I was pregnant, I googled everything. I am the type of person who wants to know worse case scenario on everything. It helped me learn about possible issues etc. Oh and there is nothing wrong with stretch marks. My stomach is covered thanks to my daughter, but I wouldnt have it any other way- I got an amazing child out of it.

Melanie said...

I don't have any kids but I absolutely LOVE this post... lol.. New to your blog and love it :)

I Pink i Love You

Recently Roached said...

You are a braver woman than me! :) And I love that you love your stretch marks. My mamma does, too. Battle wounds of love! :)

Erin LFF said...

LOL! I would totally be googling everything and freaking myself out ;)

Lindsay said...

At my first OB appointment when I found out I was expecting, they couldn't see anything on ultrasound and she said I might be earlier than I thought and to come back next week. Well, that week took FOREVER. I sat there and Googled all of these HORROR STORIES about not seeing anything on ultrasound and by the time my appointment rolled around, it took two nurses to calm me down because I was in TEARS out of straight fear, lol. But everything was fine, and there was baby -- fast forward a little bit, and now he's two years old! My doctor made me SWEAR that I would never, ever, EVER Google another thing during the remainder of my pregnancy OR ELSE and iF I had any questions to pick up the phone and call her, hahaha. I totally agree - Google is evil!

Becky said...

Haha oh gosh I would be freaking out from googling all that stuff too! It's crazy how our bodies transform to do that but I guess it all can't be pretty haha.

Tamara said...

I say rock the bikini! I wore one during my pregnancy and it was freeing to know that I don't have to worry about "looking" bloated, because I had a legit reason to look that way!

Hell, even now, 30 lbs heavier, stretch marks galore and 2 year old in tow I still sport it. Any body is a bikini body if you're wearing one ;)

Also, I googled wayy too much during my pregnancy. It was nice being prepared for everything but it was equally terrifying.

Ashley said...

Ooh yesss....no volunteering for nursery!! Haha...

congratulations!!! I'm so excited for you!

Lauren said...

Ahh, the internet. It's so awesome, but terrifying at the same time. Wait until the baby is here and you start googling what could be wrong with them when their sick. Just like everything with pregnancy, you'll find information to the extremes (most extremely terrifying). My advice - just call your OB/nurse if you have any worrisome preggo questions ;)

And, rock that bikini, lady. We vacay'd in Florida when I was 25+ weeks pregnant and I wore one. But if you want to look at some actually cute one-pieces, look here: http://www.popinaswimwear.com/

You'll child will have hellion moments, I'm sure. They all do. But the good part is that you'll get there gradually. You won't birth a hellion. You'll birth a sweet little babe and one day she/he will start testing your patience ;)) You guys are going to do great!!!

xoxo

Claire Berard said...

Ahhh!!! I've been away too long!! You're pregnant!!! Congrats girl!!! So excited for you!!! Hugs! Claire

julia rose. said...

bahahahaha this is hilarious. i always find myself googling things and end up scarred for life because of the results.
and yeahhhh the whole sunday school nursery thing is kind of like a living nightmare...

Nicole said...

Hahahaha! I can relate to this! While pregnancy is a beautiful thing, sometimes it sure does not FEEL beautiful. I had the swimsuit dilemma a couple of week ago when we decided we were going on the lake with friends for the 4th. I finally just said "screw it" and wore a bikini anyways, at 16 weeks. And if anyone actually has the nerve to look at you weird, you can go all crazy on their ass and just "blame it on the hormones" ;) And on a cruise, I PROMISE that there WILL be someone-or a couple of someones- who just probably shouldn't wear a bathing suit at all. You my dear, will not be one of them!

Tanya said...

Haha this is hilarious! Luckily you are super adorable and I'm sure your little baby belly will look so cute in any swimsuit you end up getting!

Emily said...

SO excited for you! So many congratulations heading your way. The longer I teach babies (and then from past years of nannying) I keep pushing back when I want to start a family... but hey, your kids really will be different!

Kalyn V said...

Google is the devil! I hate when patients of mine google their symptoms and come in saying, this is what I have and this is what medicine I need! Um sorry but when did google start awarding medical degrees?? But I can definitely see where googling pregnancy/birthing info would be scary as all get out.

Madeline Grace said...

Congrats to you both! I hope you find a cute swimsuit for your cruise!

ℓ. said...

LOL all of these are very true, especially the google tip. googling ANYTHING makes me paranoid enough as it is, and when I was pregnant it was 100x worse.

www.shewritesherownstory.com xo

Courtney Carlton said...

Avoiding google (as well as WebMD!!) extends far beyond pregnancy, friend... take that little nugget straight with you into infancy. In other words, we made a special visit to the pediatrics office on a Sunday (they're not open on Sundays. Insurance doesn't cover the charge for special appointments :)) to make sure Jack's umbilical cord was healing correctly because obviously I thought he was dying. Thanks, Google.

You look great! Hope you feel great too :)

Sarah @ Life, Love & Dinner said...

haha Google is NOT a pregnant woman's friend! I diagnose myself with nonsense every time I look something up. Also, I have had great luck with one pieces at Marshall's and TJ Maxx. They are regular sizes but if you size up you should be okay.

Bailey@Lost&Found said...

Google has been my worst enemy. many many hours spent worrying because of Google. I'm almost 25 weeks and loving most of it. I do really miss sleeping on my back, and getting up without grunting, but overall it's been magical. Just wait until your little one starts moving around- umm, most amazing thing ever. You look beautiful, and your seriously tiny- you're going to be the cutest pregnant person EVER.

Denise Lopatka said...

oh my goodness google is the devil during pregnancy! i was obsessed at the beginning and finally had to just step away because it can be so toxic to enjoying this special time in our lives. you look amazing friend and i am so so happy for you!! as i reach the end of my pregnancy it's a little bittersweet, but i hope you cherish every minute - it goes SO fast! xox

Christina said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! I agree with everyone else, Google and WebMD are not the way to go! Every time I search for something I end up feeling like I have some rare terminal illness. Enjoy your pregnancy... it's amazing what our bodies are capable of. It goes by quickly... although the last few week seemed to go by so.slowly. I guess that happens when you are anxious to meet the precious miracle you've been carrying for months!

Becca Moss said...

I PROMISE you're going to be able to 'deal' with your children more so than you can with others. It just comes naturally. And if you're destined to have stretch marks then just deal with them as they come - I got many and I'm still not over it. Use lotion literally at least twice a day (clearly I didn't take this advice).

Petchie said...

Ah I am right there with you girl! I totally agree with the google thing, but I would say, don't google anything at all, let your hubby do it, it will just freak you out in general. I love being pregnant too, its so exciting and fun!

xoxo
Petchie
http://psblogbook.blogspot.com/

Kierstin Rae said...

Oh man, and it just gets better and better ; ) How far along are you?

Miki {Becoming What I Always Was} said...

Love the honesty! Pregnancy and all the changes that happen to your body has always been a huge fear of mine. I read an article once and it scared me so badly. It was something like "the truth about pregnancy". Then I went and got birth control immediately ;) That said... your baby is going to be the cutest and your blog will serve as a fun entertaining documentary of pregnancy!

Lindsay said...

Ha ha I love the google part! Very good advice! Congrats on your pregnancy! xo

Mason's Mama said...

Hilarious and oh so true! Just wait! Your body does even more weird things after giving birth!!

Katie said...

Eating the placenta...say WHAT?! Pregnancy is so scary and yet so awesome at once. I'll remember your advice whenever I have kids.

Kelsey Eaton said...

Check out Albion Fit. They have tons of cute swimsuits to cover your cute belly!

Danielle Carroll said...

Hahaha this was so funny! I'm 16 weeks and threw up basically everything I put in my mouth from week 6-14 :( I'm still pretty nauseous everyday. Basically, pregnancy has been anything but a joy ride for me so far.