Airports

Monday, April 1, 2013

Doing anything before six in the morning should be criminal. (On a rare and particularly desperate occasion, I'd be okay with eating a donut.) But flying at the buttcrack of dawn, let alone traveling on April Fool's Day? No way, Sancho.

The lack of sleep I got last night in preparation for this flight to Chicago left me in quite the crotchety mood this morning. Seriously, put me in a trash can and call me Oscar cause I was a mega grouch. It was my fault though. Packing at two a.m. isn't really ideal planning, especially when you have to consider the weather difference. (The high in San Antonio today is 85, and Chicago is colder than a witch's nips.)

My pleasant mood was only heightened upon going through security. A man dressed in a tweed suit was standing in front of me, clearly on a business trip. When the line was moving along, the TSA official asked me to "follow my dad in line." I wanted to shout, "Hey, I'm on a business trip too!" but I didn't. It certainly didn't help my very present complex of looking like a pre-pubescent boy.

Whenever I'm in an airport, I always think people are staring me. "Who's the small child wandering aimlessly around? Poor thing, we should help her find her mummy." Whenever I see their sympathetic stares, I want to wring their little crotchbiscuits and say, "I may be midget size, but I'm an adult." I simultaneously want to ask them to carry my bags because my fetus arms can't heave-ho them into the overhead bin. (Conundrum, bum.)

Due to my lack of slumber and the rude security official, my normal decision-making skills (which are always spot on by the way) were skewed. I wanted to play a joke; it IS April Fool's, dontcha know. This holiday didn't stop simply because I was in an airport. (This is what my sleep-deprived logic was saying anyway.)

So badly I wanted to throw caution to my hind parts and obnoxiously yell down the terminal, "Bomb! Bomb! I've got a bomb between my boobs!" (Granted, it would be a teeny tiny one.) I just want to see how people would react. Would they take this 105 pounder with the baby face as smooth as JLo's buns seriously? Grahm said yes, I said nay. Obviously, I'd say April Fool's before they brought out the Rottweiler to sniff around my hot pocket. I had a grown-up moment (rare) and didn't listen to my Zzz-less brain (#regrets).

Now I'm in my hotel room, cranking up my heater and layering up to face the windy city. Look out, Chicago. This twelve-year-old who has been deprived of a good April Fool's joke is on the loose.
via

20 comments:

rachel said...

hahaha "Who's the small child wandering aimlessly around? Poor thing, we should help her find her mummy." I often have those exact feelings. And especially at the airport - everyone walks so fast my short legs can't keep up!

Karla said...

Hahaha. Too funny. Love your attitude despite everything! =D

Suze said...

bahahaha. That reminds me of the time the airport security referred to my husband as my son.

Not okay.

Enjoy Chi-town!

Allison said...

Haha that totally would have happened to me too...I get mistaken to be way younger than I am allllll the time! Someday it will be a good thing! I hope Chicago is good to you. :)

Emily said...

i HATE early morning flights...the worst. even though it may be cold, i hope you can enjoy chicago. it's a great city!!

Kayla Peveler said...

Hahahah that is hilarious. Cannot believe they thought you were that man's daughter...all I can say is, when you are 40, you'll probably look 25. & there aiinttt nothin wrong with that!

julia rose. said...

Hahaha I'm Mrs. Grumpy Cat today too, don't worry ;) If I were up at 2am packing and then shortly after walking through an airport... I would probably have killed someone, just sayin'. Have fun in Chicago though- be aware of those witch's nips! Haha

Esme said...

I love reading your post I just have a laughing session! Hope you get some food in you and you get to pull a prank on someone stat!

RitaMarie said...

That's exactly how I feel in the airport! At only 4'11", I'm pretty sure it's not far from the truth. :)

Amy said...

=)
Can i just say, i love reading your blog. Seriously...it always makes me smile or reflect inwardly. Today, smiles, all smiles. :)
If it makes you feel any better i got asked in high school if i was a line-men. It made me want to try out for football. ;)

Krista said...

I always get mistaken younger than I am... It gets old real fast. What brings you to Chicago!?? I hope you have a good time! One of my favorite cities! You should eat at Portillos! It's amazing!

Krista

Meg Cady said...

I have had some interesting experiences in the San Antonio airport... yes, they all would have been toped by a bomb in between your boobs but not by much :)

Have fun in Chi town!

Rachael said...

"Follow your Dad in line", are you kidding me?? That is simultaneously hilarious and offensive. Whatevs, I guess it's the price you pay for being a cute lil' thang.

Becky said...

Haha travelling on an airplane has become such a treat nowadays! I hope you have a good business trip at least! Maybe you'll run into Oprah?!

Whitney H said...

Girl you are going everywhere these days! I would have been like "Excuse me sir??" to that TSA agent. I know you have to be nice to them or they will make your life hell but they are so rude sometimes. Argh.

Sam said...

Have fun in Chi-town!! I've only been once but the weather is so much nicer than it is here in Florida

xo

Ashley from The Kitchen-Sink Chronicles said...

I love Chicago!

Bea Beautiful said...

I've never been to Chicago but I hear it's fantastic! Hope you enjoy your trip! I'd be the one wanting to do the bomb ploy in the airport, and my husband would be the rational one talking me out of federal prison. No fun.

Holly said...

LOL you crack me up. Thanks for the laugh today :) Hope you enjoy Chicago even if it's frigid!

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