Jena, come back

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Guys, something happened.
My type-A, make-my-bed-every-morning, perfectionist self has disappeared faster than a package of Oreos at our house. She's gone. And here I am, up to my elbow fat in laundry, toilets that need scrubbing, and meals that need making wondering if I'll ever be able to woo her back into my life.

I used to be the definition of an overachiever. I'm sure I even tried to blow out more diapers as a toddler than any of my baby friends. (You're welcome, Mom.) I loved (note the past tense) doing one million things at one, juggling an unmanageable amount of projects like I was the fruit of Martha Stewart and Rachel Ray's loins.

I used to do so many things. I look back in college and high school, and I wonder when I had time to pop a squat on the pot, let alone do all the things I did . . .

Part of this ridiculous urge to constantly do and achieve stems from my insatiable competitive drive (that's another post altogether) and wanting people to like me. "Look at her! How does she do all those things?" (PS. No one has ever said that about me. That movie with Sarah Jessica Parker is actually not my life story. Mission failure.)

You know what I think really killed her, my perfectionist self--I'm talking stabbed her between the boobs with a butcher knife and wrung her scrawny little neck into the ground? Wedding planning. ("It was the best of times, it was the worst of times . . .")

Now is a different story. Now my idea of productivity is lounging on my sofa, watching reruns of Ellen while nomming on a pound of bacon that someone (Grahm) had to cook for me. I'm about as motivated lately as a stuffed walrus. It's as if my body is saying, "We've done this overachieving thing for 24 years. Time to be lazy."

Now I'm just tired. All the time. My thoughts upon hearing my obnoxious alarm clock every morning are as follows and I quote, "Crap. Must. turn. off. I can get ready in five minutes, right? When can I go back to bed?"

I wish I could say that I had too much is on my plate. (I also wish that wasn't figurative.) But I don't. I'm just tired and crotchety and constantly thinking about curling up in a hybernating ball of boring. I feel sorry for my future children, that is, if I'm not lazy enough to, ya know, make them. (...Too far?)

Come back, perfectionist Jena, my laundry needs you.

31 comments:

Courtney Carlton said...

I feel the same way! And forget about tackling a list of ANYTHING after I get off work in the evenings. It's all I can do to stay motivated enough during the day (my motivation being: getting to go home, change into sweatpants, and park it on the couch next to hubs), let alone do anything after work! I wish I could blame this on pregnancy. I can't. I'll, like you, blame it on the act of planning a wedding and knowing that there's nothing better than enjoying the results of all of that hard work: having a fun bestie husband to hang out with all the time. And not want to do anything else. Come to think of it, I guess I should be blaming this on Bo! :)

Amanda Elizabeth. said...

So true! I don't know about you, but when I first got married, I was dead set on being super wife...I had "laundry day", "cleaning day", "prep food for the rest of the week day" and a bunch of other days to keep me PERFECT. Now, it's 9 months later and all my "days" melted into one, large, "let's just hope I acutally cook after work, then watch TV while you (the lucky husband)scratch my back" type of day. I'm just happy if I make it through the work week and have enough clean underwear to make it through the weekend.

Anyways, glad to know I'm not alone :)Super wife will come back someday...I just hope it's sooner rather than later haha

Lauren Gardner said...

I just love you. Hi I'm Lauren and it's almost 3pm I am still in my PJ's my daughter looks like a homeless baby, my house is a mess and I'm watching reruns of psych wishing my house would clean itself. PS I just found Paisleys avacado lunch up my nose. My nose. I don't know how that happened. If you find a way to get back your mojo, please share. :)

Nagehan said...

Aw! I used to be the perfectionist type but it's really not happy. I wasn't content until everything met my standards. Sometimes, life doesn't allow you to keep everything up to your standards. So, you slip. There is always tomorrow, next week, next month, etc. to get it done. It's okay to kick it back sometimes and let it go. ;) xoxo

Sarah @ Life, Love & Dinner said...

Oh, I know this feeling well. I was always an overachiever and for a while now, the only thing I want to do when I'm not working, is empty my DVR. It started when I went back to school to get my Master's Degree. My husband started doing way more to pick up for my slack and I let him! It's terrible and wonderful and I hope there's a cure for it!

Jamie K. said...

I feel you!! I am 5 weeks away from my wedding and i've always been the over achiever and as I am still at the moment, I am wondering where the light at the end of tunnel is and also wondering what the heck i'm going to do when this is all over (oh yeah build the house we just purchase the plot for!) You'll get back on your horse i'm sure... any OCD gal can't stay down too long even if you don't see the end...!

Kerri Andersen said...

well maybe your future child is the one causing all this. haha sounds like you could be pregnant, thats how i felt when i got pregnant! haha just kidding. but i mean this feeling/stage will come back to haunt you when you actually are pregnant. brace yourself!

Rachael said...

I've been trying to find my inner-over achiever my whole life!! I know exactly what you mean about just wanting to curl up on the couch or in bed and do nothing. Esepcially when all your chores start piling up and life gets overwhelming, it makes it even harder to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and get movin. I wish I had advice. But instead I'll say this, when you find out how to get Jena back, let me know!! I need tips. :)

Katie said...

I feel SO the same way! Especially since we're in our last three weeks before we move, we're both very much like lame ducks. I also struggle with perfectionism to the point that sometimes I think, if I can't do it perfectly, why would I even try? Yikes...probably not the best outlook!

It's so good to know that we're all not alone. I think it's natural to go through phases of overachieving, too--it would be too exhausting to be an overachiever absolutely all the time for years and years! xo

Amy said...

=)
Girl, yes, preach. I look back to when i was in college and constantly find myself asking "how in the crap did i do all of that?" The truth is, i wanted to be busy, being busy meant being productive and doing a "great job"...i think we HAVE to go through seasons like this (laziness ha) so we don't get burnt out. <3
it's alright, even though smelly laundry sucks butt.

Katie said...

I know the feeling of just wanting to curl up in a ball and be lazy. I have zero motivation to get anything done and it has been like this for weeks(actually months is probably more true)and I just can't figure out how to get motivated and be productive with my days. All I do is waste them! sigh. Good luck, girl! May we both get some motivation soon.

Also, I am kind of jealous that you got to eat that much bacon. Just saying

Tess @ AModernSuburbanitesLife said...

I go through this in waves. go go go go go. stop. for three weeks. sit on couch. go to work with hair in a ponytail.

Nicole said...

This is describing me exactly right now! I have so much to do, but just don't want to. I even stayed late at work yesterday, even when I could have gotten off early, just because I didn't want to go home. Because then that means I would have had time to work out and make dinner. Wife FAIL!

Rachel said...

That's so me, too! I haven't felt like my over-achieving self since I've been in beauty school. It kind of sucks the life out of me. I'm hoping to get my energy back sometime, I'm only 21 for crying out loud!

Ashley from The Kitchen-Sink Chronicles said...

Sounds like your suffering from burnout... take some time for yourself. We all need a break every once in a while.

Whitney said...

I know exactly how you feel. I've been feeling the same way for a while now! I think with you going all the time for so long, it finally caught up with you.

Laura & Adam said...

If it weren't for your last sentence, I would have said "welcome to the first trimester of pregnancy!"

Allison said...

So apparently everyone thinks you are preggo now. Haha. I used to be Ms. Motivated, but lately I'm feeling the same way as you. I'm so tired when I get home from work I just want to have someone dote on me. Haha.

ngnrdgrl said...

If you find her, will you send her over to my house? I've got plenty for her to do. ;)

Andrea @ Love is... said...

I blame the weather. This never ending winter is making me the biggest bump on a log ever.

Morgan said...

meeeeee tooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

Morgan said...

meeee tooooo!

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Samara said...

This sounds like me...and I am loving it!! ha ha

Erin said...

I can sooo relate to this post. I was the total over-achiever in my high school and college days and now that I can't seem to keep up with all that... I feel like a failure at times! After a long day at work and a long commute in gross traffic, the last thing I want to do is grocery shop, wash dishes, cook etc! It's never ending cycle of feeling like I'm overwhelmed with all the things that need done, and yet feeling like I have no energy/time to do them all! =\

emi said...

haha i love this! i am the same where my productive self can disappear for a while, but she'll come back! she must just need a break right now! haha you are the cutest..xo
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CoastWithMe said...

Oh girl where do I start! 1) You do not need to be perfect. 2) We all love you just the way you are (no need to overachieve). 3) You do have a lot on your plate (it's ok to feel the way you do). 4) And maybe this little funk is life's way to telling you..."Jena you need to slow down. And enjoy every moment. And you don't have to be perfect! Don't set such high/unrealistic expectations." Anyways, just my feelings! Honey child, you are seriously SOOO talented! I wish I could write like you and do half the things that you do! Be proud. Be content. Be you (flaws and all:)!

Cara Howard said...

Question! Do you have joint and muscle pain? Fatigue that doesn't get better with rest? Honestly, you might be getting the beginnings of fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue: it happens to the best of us, especially those of us who were - at one point - Type A personalities. Maybe see a rheumotologist OR just your GP! <3

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