Gold men (Can the winners personalize these? I want my naked man to look like Channing Tatum.) are handed out for incredible performances (like J-Law falling up the stairs or Michelle Obama's bangs).
Since the chances of me ever winning an Oscar are about the same as bacon ever leaving my diet, I thought I needed to compile a list of my brilliant shenanigans that are award worthy.
1. How I perform the frantic get-ready-in-10-minutes-because-I-overslept-again scramble every morning.
2. How I can convince myself that I need another pink, sparkly lip gloss even though I have 20 in my purse.
3. How I can talk myself out of any/every workout. ("That ice cream ain't gonna cram itself down my throat" or "Working out every day can't be good for muscles. Gotta let 'em breathe.")
4. How I can make my birthday celebration last for weeks. I may or may not have been asking G to "rub my dogs, it's almost my birthday" for the last two weeks.
5. How I can complain about the weather, regardless of what it is. ("Oh my gosh will it ever cool down? I'm sweaty in all the wrong places" or "It's a tiddy bit nipply, and I'm not gonna make the breast of it, y'all.")
. . . I'll expect my nude Clooney in the mail whenever y'all get around to it.