I Could Win an Oscar For...

Monday, February 25, 2013

Gold men (Can the winners personalize these? I want my naked man to look like Channing Tatum.) are handed out for incredible performances (like J-Law falling up the stairs or Michelle Obama's bangs).

Since the chances of me ever winning an Oscar are about the same as bacon ever leaving my diet, I thought I needed to compile a list of my brilliant shenanigans that are award worthy.
Here are some of my Oscar-worthy performances, just to name a few:

1. How I perform the frantic get-ready-in-10-minutes-because-I-overslept-again scramble every morning.
2. How I can convince myself that I need another pink, sparkly lip gloss even though I have 20 in my purse.
3. How I can talk myself out of any/every workout. ("That ice cream ain't gonna cram itself down my throat" or "Working out every day can't be good for muscles. Gotta let 'em breathe.")
4. How I can make my birthday celebration last for weeks. I may or may not have been asking G to "rub my dogs, it's almost my birthday" for the last two weeks.
5. How I can complain about the weather, regardless of what it is. ("Oh my gosh will it ever cool down? I'm sweaty in all the wrong places" or "It's a tiddy bit nipply, and I'm not gonna make the breast of it, y'all.")

. . . I'll expect my nude Clooney in the mail whenever y'all get around to it.

19 comments:

Sara said...

Hilarious! I do the same with the weather and with work-outs. Seriously, it has to be hard on the muscles to work that hard, right?!

Lindsey @ Life on Countryside said...

Haha too funny. I talk myself out of going to the gym too.....and I complain about the weather no matter what.

Can I have those same exact awards too?

Rachael said...

OMG I have so many of these same skills! You may have some competition on your hands for that naked gold man! My best record for getting ready in the morning is 8.5 minutes. ;)

Laurie @ The Rookie Wife said...

haha! So true about the lipgloss..but a girl can never have too many, right?!

Ashley from The Kitchen-Sink Chronicles said...

I always complain about the weather as well although I'm worse in the winter.

Sam said...

I can relate to all of those! I'd like my naked man in David Beckham form please!!

put a bow on it [kaitlyn] said...

This just put a much needed smile on my face!

Love and Such said...

haha I loved this.
and I can relate to every single one of those things.

especially the gym and the lipgloss!

Whitney said...

You are too funny! Definitely what I needed today :)

Mandi Roach said...

I stumbled upon your blog, and found myself yoked with you immediately! I, too, married a Roach. Just this past May, in fact. I just thought it was cute that your blog is based on the premise of becoming a Roach. Congrats!

julia rose. said...

Hahaha teach me your getting ready in 10 minute ways!! Every time that happens to me I end up doing my makeup and eating in the car all while avoiding a wreck. It's dangerous for everyone.

Erin said...

I am the exact same way about the weather. I complain about it no matter what. Except when it's raining and I want to be lazy and snuggle.

Actually no I am the exact same way with all of these things. Last time I worked out for a longer stint than five days? High School...at cheer leading practice. Bahaha

Rod and Alex - aka: "Rolex" said...

Ha! Getting ready in ten minutes is my specialty too!

Love it!

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Amy said...

=)
i convinced myself out of a workout today, i mean two days of sore achy muscles just CAN'T be a good thing! :)

Shauna said...

Oh wow, I thought I was the only get ready in 10 minutes frantic kind of gal. :-) Shauna {www.shaunawyrick.com}

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