the coldies

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

I may have fetus hands and ET-ishly small feet, but my little extremities can produce more cold power than a witch's tit. Let's just say that if I had been Mrs. Freeze, Batman might have been a different story.

This is a problem, kids, because I like to snuggle. Or aggressive cuddle, as Grahm likes to call it. I mean sorry the good Lord didn't see fit to gird my loins with blubber to keep me warm in the night (and really, I'm not sorry). But I need to be warm! Hence, the snuggling.

Every night is the same.
We climb into bed, and I immediately stick my coldy metatarsals into the crevices of the hus-bun's strangely warm thighs and my hands into his armpits. It's like a cave of heaven enveloping my frostbitten toe-jangles and finger-dees. (Grahm produces a lot of heat for someone with .0005% body fat.)

He pretends that he doesn't like this ritual ("Babe! Get off, get off! You're freezing!"). But I know better. Really, he's saying "Where would my thighs be without your nuggets of goodness?"

. . . One day when we're in the middle of Ice Age 2040, he'll thank me for building up his tolerance to below-negative weather.
The has been (another) pointless tale from Mrs. Roach to inform you, as always, that you should feel incredibly sorry for Mr. Roach.

Linking up with Helene!

28 comments:

Denise said...

hahaha this is too funny! I do the exact same thing to my hubs once we get into bed! He has a small heart attack each time but at least my toes get warm :)

julia rose. said...

Hahahahaha oh my gosh this is hilarious!!! Poor Mr. Roach and his cold wittle wifey!

Shay said...

My extremities are always FREEZING too but I clearly have way more fat on my body than you do...;-) In other news, you look STUNNING in that picture!

Sar said...

Yet another reason why Grahm is one of the most patient people I stalk online.

Sara said...

The hubby's can pretend to despise our efforts at taking away the bitter cold that has settled in our tootsies, but we all know they enjoy it immensely.

Rachael@HomeSweetHarbor said...

Haha we do the exact same thing!! As soon as I get in bed I put my feet on Tony's legs and he always shrieks (not really) and jumps to the other side of the bed saying how cold I am. But he's just SO warm! And this guy surfs...in the dead of winter! He should be used to cold. Thanks for the funny post. :)

Alexa said...

My extremities are always FREEEEEZING too and Glenn "acts" like he hates it ;) And then when I really am grumpy, I put my cold toes on him as punishment. I mean, our marriage is really such a gem. Haha

Amy - Louise said...

Haha I do exactly the same!

Lauren said...

Haha! My toes are always freezing! Hopefully one day the Lord will bless me with a heater of a husband! :)

Nicole said...

LOL I do the same thing to my husband, and he always freaks out and jumps and screams like a little girl! hahahaha

k8te said...

hahaha i totally do the same thing to my hubs! my feet are like ICE. also, your eyelashes look awesome in this pic, unrelated but it must be said :)

Lauren H. Edmondson said...

haha, it's the opposite in my house! My husband Josh has the crazy coldest feet and he loves to attach me with them when I climb into bed.

Helene said...

haha colder than a witch's tit! i love that. snuggling is the best. they need to get over it. p.s. are your eyes not the bluest ever?! not fair!

Amie said...

same story...every night...you'd think they would just give in....LOL!!!!!



http://herestohappinesses.blogspot.com/

Amy said...

reason #6843 why i love your blog. :) You are hilarious.

Erin said...

I have the same damn problem. Although a witch's tit seems much colder than the temperature that my own tarsals reach so maybe I'm not so bad. This was hilarious by the way.

Rachel said...

My husband actually says he loves it when I put my cold hands and feet on him because he always feels hot! He's weird.

P!nky said...

HAHAHAHA, I'm petite too and always cold!

Melissa Knott said...

I do that too. And I toss my frozen fingers on his back when I come in from the cold MN weather. He doesn't say it... but I know it's more than a little appreciated :)

lo @ crazy ever after said...

I think this is the first time I've seen a pic of G where he isn't flashing that million dollar smile. Your husband is a hottie. But you already know that. ;)

kristyn said...

haha your posts always give me a good laugh. too cute :)

xo,
kristyn

Nessa said...

Haha.. sadly I do the exact same thing. Minus the armpits. I won't go there for warmth.

A Nerd and A Free Spirit said...

I'm the same way. It's my freakishly low blood pressure that just doesn't quite circulate the blood to my extremities. Mark experiences the same thing. (-: hehe

~K

Tamara said...

Before I had my daughter, the husband and I looked like a damn pretzel in the sack. And then when I was pregnant it was like the sun invaded my body and I produced the heat of thousand dying stars, so instead of him complaining about me being cold, it was because I was too hot and I caused him to sweat like a thieving boy scout.

Sleeping with someone is so not as sexy as they make it out in the movies.

Alyssa said...

This is so funny. And I totally do this to my boyfriend. If my hands are cold, I purposely sneak them under his shirt and then he screams like a girl. Totally worth it!

Kelsey Lenay said...

hahaha so funny! He secretly enjoys it-I bet!

Kale & Coriander said...

love, love, love your humorous posts!

Katie Did What said...

I do the exact. same. thing. WHYYY are my hands always freeeezing?! :( And also, HOW are our husbands SO WARM?!

xo