Craigslist Crazies

Monday, January 14, 2013

We've all browsed Craigslist like crazy freakwads hoping against hope to find a steal of a deal on a Pottery Barn dining table . . . There's only one teensy problem with that: the people of Craigslist do not own Pottery Barn. It's more like a hodgepodge of animal figurines, velvet, dingy couches, loud colors, and jankity old dressers.

Since we have a couple empty rooms in our house and not a bank account with a golden duck (that'd be quack-tastic), I've been looking for pieces on Craigslist that I can redo. Key word: redo. Key word: mistake.

There are a few problems with that. For the most part, people on Craigslist are certifiably insane. (And I'm not even referring to the personal section where gals want to hurl their lady parts at some sleezy gentleman in the bathroom at the library. Grizz.) Their ads are hilarious, sad, and sometimes terrifying. I mean, HOW did you come into owning that horrific couch with Jesus's face etched in the cushions?

1. Overpriced: "We've only owned this piece for five years. Several scratches on the bottom, but still in excellent condition. Yours for only $8,000!"

Really? I can buy that for one zillion times cheaper, and it won't have your "broken in" man stench all over it. Get your buns off your greedy, porcelain pot. Be realistic.

2. Life stories: "We've only owned this piece for five years. Sweet Granny gave it to me on her death bed. She told me with her finally words to "take care of her china hutch." And we did. But with Jimmy in school now, and Suzie getting married--we need the extra cash. I know, I know. I can't help it though. I feel so torn, because I don't want Granny to be disappointed. But we've stored her ashes in the cabinets, so that wherever this hutch goes--she will too."

Just, no. 

3. Misspellings: "Wev oned this for 5 yrs. Scrats on bottom, but gud condishen. Yours for 5000"

Holy buckets. This wasn't an exaggeration. Gud greef. Maybe this gets my junipers in a jumble because of what I do for a living, but good gravy. If I can't read your ad, the chances that I'm going to buy your strange giraffe table have decreased even more.

4. Antique/Vintage: "We've owned this antique piece for five years. Because it is so vintage, there are a few scratches on the bottom. But this antique is in excellent condition. Yours for only $8,000!"

This is my favorite. Slapping the word "antique" or "vintage" on something that's been collecting dust in your garage for the last decade doesn't make it true. It makes your grandmother's plaid sofa sound a little more appealing, but let's be real--ain't nobody got time for that.

To sum it up, be careful when dealing with Craigslist crazies. And if you do find something (miracle of miracle), you best take your strongest friend to guard your unsuspecting buns.

37 comments:

Amie said...

Oh my gosh! This is hilarious, & I don't think anyone could ever sum up Craigslist better! HAHAHA!!

Helene said...

hahahaha oh god. awesome. we looked for furniture when trying to furnish our house on craigslist. it was horrible. haha

Kaity said...

Truth. When I was living in Ohio I scored a couch/loveseat for $50 AND the nice guy helped me move it into my place. I seriously scored, but when I moved out- found a dog bone that had somehow gotten wedged and hidden. I never had a dog. Ew. Needless to say, I opted to purchase new the next time around in PA.

emi said...

haha so agree! the best is in SF when people just leave cool antique things out on the streets that they don't want anymore, and they are free to take! we have seriously found some gems this way!

Veronica Lee Burns said...

oh my goodness SO TRUE! The add for our puppy we just got just made us die laughing...people are odd!

Hannah {Our Journey Blog} said...

HAHAHA "ain't nobody got time for that!"

I bought my kitchen table, off Craigslist. Funny thing is, I actually went to the person's apartment to look at a TV stand, but saw the table in the corner and asked about it. It was just what I had been looking for. :)

Heather @ From Here to There said...

too funny!! There are definitely some crazies around those parts! Good luck finding what you need to furnish your place!

Erin said...

Haha these are all SO SO TRUE. Sometimes I just browse CraigsList for the laughs- not really looking for anything, but laughing at the crazies out there! We actually got our bedroom set on CL for an amazing deal but I was totally freaked out about it at first haha!!

wHiT | Black Little Button blog said...

wow! The things you find on there is just insane... best of luck dear! :)
-wHiT

Annabelle said...

I'm always aprehensive about buying from people on Craigslist. I stick to the locals for Craigslist. Even though those are crazies at times! ha!

Jaime Hungry said...

The "free" section is even better. People just basically want you to get rid of their trash for them.

Lindsay said...

Love it! This is hiiiiiiiiiiii-larious and so true! Close to a year ago now, our couch broke. It was a cheap couch to start off with, not going to lie, but it snapped on the bottom where it was once a sofabed. My issue was, we had a tiny infant at home who was learning to crawl at the time and the idea of a couch falling on his head wasn't ideal. I had this brilliant idea to check Craigslist and find a great deal on a quick-fix couch we could put into our living room until we could save and really do some shopping for a "forever piece" for our home. It seemed like a grand solution since my husband was working around the clock (sidenote: being married to an accountant this time of year? Brutal!) and there was no way I was furniture shopping alone with an infant. Another thing that happened when I contacted someone for better pictures or asked to see the item in person (dragging my poor dad with me in hopes we wouldn't get mugged -- guess I've seen that Lifetime movie too many times!), it would inevitably be seven times worse than they mentioned and not much better than our broken couch. THEN -- they would call. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. "Hello! DO YOU WANT THIS COUCH? DO YOU?" and no matter how many times I said we weren't interested, they'd still call and let me know if their price was lowered or that they wanted to throw in a lamp (true story! Some lady called me at 8 at night one night asking me if I wanted a free lamp!). Bizarro world. Eventually we just bought a couch without the help of the Cragslist crazies but, oh man! Good times. Haha.

Rachel O. said...

So many crazy people on Craigslist. I hope you find what you're looking for!

Suze said...

YES! This. All of this is sooo true. I had good luck on Craigslist the first time I used it, but after that it's been all downhill. Why do I continue to browse it?!

Claire TheRusticPig said...

Oh girl... my friends call me the Craigslist Queen, and oh the stories I could tell you! My favorite misspelling is dinning. Yep... a dinning table! Gotta go get you one of those! Also, it's all about where you are looking... the better stuff seems to be in Austin, so search both areas. Boy do I miss the Dallas/Ft. Worth Craigslist! Pottery Barn galore!! Oh, and for some reason, Dallas people don't think their antiques are worth a FORTUNE like they do here in SA. Ugh!!

Katie @ Eventfully Crazy said...

Oh my goodness, this is amazing. You HAVE to peruse this site: www.dontevenreply.com. This guy responds to craigslist ads with the least of intentions of purchasing anything....it's hilarious and will keep you entertained for hours.

Shay said...

This is so funny! My favorite is the spelling one- that is so common it is ridiculous!

Lauren said...

This is hilarious! I have found some amazing deals on craigslist but I completely agree with some of these things! :)

Genna said...

The thing is, there are people who fall for this stuff! One of my fiance's family members bought an "antique" dresser that was actually from Pier 1 and excessively overpriced!

lo @ crazy ever after said...

I will forever associate you with the word buns. ;) I love Craigslist. I found my first nanny job that way.

Anonymous said...
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Kristin said...

Bahahahaha! I can totally relate - we are Craigslist buyers and sellers, and I have to say, I've seen most if not all of your examples in all their glory :-). Thanks for the chuckle this morning!

Amy said...

HAHAH TRUTH!
It's amazing the things people sell/attempt to sell on craigslist. I have had some good luck buying things but other times i find myself shaking my head thinking "you're really asking THAT price for THAT piece of "furniture" ha. :)

nancy @ adore to adorn said...

so true. Craigslist has become better/worse at the same time.
xo,
nancy

Love and Such said...

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If you don't mind, would you switch out my old button for the new one so it will link to my page?

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-Mikell
thegordongoodlife.blogspot.com

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Kelsey Eaton said...

hahaha! This is hilarious. We were fortunate enough to find our kitchen table on craigslist but we sure had to dig through a lot of crazy people to find it!!

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