Hopeless Grocery Shopper

Monday, November 5, 2012


(Yes, I know. My chin looks like an unsightly combo of Arnold Swarzeneggerer's and Honey Boo Boo's.)
Grocery shopping puts me in a fantastically grumpy mood. Staring at all that food and not eating it... man, it’s hard for this busted can of biscuits to resist chowing down on everything I see in the aisle.

It’s a claustrophobic experience, really. Too many people. Too much food. Entirely too many decisions. I feel like the aisles are caving in around me. They’re taunting me, “What’s the matter? Can’t remember those Pinterest recipes? By the way, boxed pizza is not a meal, you terrible wife."

Before I got a job, I would go grocery shopping by myself (terrifying). Now that I’m gainfully employed, Grahm and I have been going together. Mistake. I’m not sure what it is, but every time we enter the land flowing with processed food and obnoxious shoppers… we become grouchosauruses.
We have friends who love to go to the store together. Like that's their thing. I don't get it. At all. Even after a year of marriage, we are still learning to combine our shopping habits. Grahm likes to buy the expensive brands; I grew up on the Wal-Mart equate stuff. He likes to buy in bulk (“Look, babe! We can buy 27,639 rolls of toilet paper; it’s on sale!”); I do not. Grahm likes to fly down each aisle; I move slower than a blind amputee so I don't miss a sale on the powered donuts.
It’s my fault, really. A compulsive buyer who’s terrible at making lists doesn’t make for an efficient grocery shopper. I buy everything I don’t need, and nothing I do. I skip things on recipes (“Eh, do I really need eggs?”). I go for items that I probably will use once, maybe. Dry mustard. Gorgonzola cheese? Score. Yet I forget the essentials. And I always forget to check the fridge before we head to the store. We may or may not have four bags of cheddar cheese right now.


This is right after I scolded him for riding the cart down the aisle. Don't ask why the Comet is next to the eggs. There is no rhyme or reason to grocery shopping with the Roaches.

31 comments:

Amanda Nicole said...

We go grocery shopping once a week and I have to yell at my boyfriend EVERY SINGLE TIME for riding the cart! He always so proudly says, "HEY BABE! WATCH!"... And, I suck at grocery shopping as well. I've attempted to make lists and magically forget about my lists until I get home and realize I forgot half of the items on that list.

I used to read your blog all the time (I suck at commenting) and then life got in the way and I've been slacking on my reading.. but, I'm so glad you've been commenting on my posts lately so I can get back to reading your posts because I absolutely adore your blog!

Kaity said...

I actually enjoy grocery shopping...when we have money. If we're working within a budget, forget about it.

Nagehan said...

Haha! We go to giant wholesale store for our groceries. Grocery shopping is definitely not our favorite marital activity, but it feels good to know that we will have mustard (and other basics) that will last us until the first birthday of our unborn child. xo

Karla said...

Oh wow. One day, I too will post about grocery shopping. My husband (without fail) always rides on the back of the cart in the parking lot on the way back to the car... and I'm always the idiot getting the stares. I want to just scream, "YEP....THATS THE GUY I MARRIED!" . Ohhh boy. And you are correct, there are entirely too many choices and decisions to make when getting groceries. Like orange juice for example. A little pulp, a lot of pulp, no pulp, an enormous amount of pulp... it's like... really??! It can get overwhelming. I always need a nap after.

-Karla =)

Ashley @ ThisUnscriptedLife said...

This made me laugh because I just returned from the store and I bought shredded cheddar cheese...I also have 2 packages already in the fridge. I make a list but then I second guess my list. "Why didn't I write down cheese? I'm pretty sure we are out of cheese."...NOT! My husband does not shop with me anymore. If he does we fight. He's a bulk buyer and I'm not. He rushes through the aisles and I like to take my time. It never ends well =)

Nikki said...

I used to be horrible at grocery shopping and end up with a million things that we did not need (hello Oreos and ice cream!) and nothing to make healthy meals. A little over a year ago I started making a weekly meal plan and I shop from that list. It cut down our grocery expenses and now we actually have food that we need to make meals!

Katie said...

i don't like going grocery shopping with my husband because he wants to buy so many things we don't need! and doesn't like generic things - i'd much rather go by myself! except he can help me load them in that house. or do it by himself. :)

Katie Did What said...

hahaha There aren't many things I hate more than grocery shopping ALONE. It is the scariest experience. I just can't do it. So, yeah, we are "that couple." Going grocery shopping together is totally our thing. Mostly because it's HIS thing, and I just like to make lists and tag along, pretending to help when really he's the one with the pile of coupons and the direction. Good thing I married him, huh?

xo

Ragan said...

you are a great writer! this grocery shopping story was highly entertaining. :)

Tamara said...

You can never have enough cheese. Never.

I actually don't ever take my husband to the grocery store with me because he loads up things I've never even heard of. I'll turn around to grab some bread and next thing I know we have 12 different brands of quinoa because he thinks they'd be fun to chew on.

Leslie @ Body Won't Break said...

I am most definitely not a fan of grocery shopping. I am also not a fan of grocery shopping with my husband. It always results in an argument or two. I like to go fast, and he takes his time. It's amazing marriages last through grocery shopping!

Sara said...

The hubby and I do our grocery shopping together as well. It's not that we fight, but we definitely don't get a long 'swimmingly'.

I, too, forget what I may/may not have in my kitchen realm. At one time, I could very well have 4 containers of sour cream, various sizes, and 6 bags of cheddar cheese. Meh, it's how I roll....

Annabelle said...

I hate grocery shopping. I used to love it! I'd check the cabinets for things I don't have, check the fridge, etc. Write up a meal plan and all! Now, you are lucky to have a frozen dinner at our house! ha!

lo @ crazy ever after said...

No grocery shopping for me. Jesse has taken it over and when he doesn't do that we do the grocery delivery route. Nothing more perfect than that because being at the grocery store brings on my anxiety, and the occasional homicidal ideations.

Erin said...

Haha I actually love grocery shopping- I'm a big nerd. Sometimes I go alone, sometimes we're together, just depends on when we run out of stuff and who feels like going ;) I will say Jared is the King of buying stuff we already have 4 of. Right now we currently have 4 bottles of Ranch dressing bc he always claims we need it for something we're making haha!

Nicole said...

Your husband and mine are a lot alike...he used to go with me and I noticed that I spent WAY more money when he came with me, because he likes to buy 1,000 of everything and the expensive brands. I now go alone and save looottttss of moolah!

A Nerd and A Free Spirit said...

We are one of those couples that actually likes to grocery shop. i think part of this stems from us being super cheap so that we never get to shop anywhere else - grocery shopping is therefore somewhat of a thrill. Also, we go twice a month and we go to Whole Foods. That place is so zen. Love it.

~K

Kelley Gilster said...

haha you and me both girl!! I can never remember those Pinterest recipe's either! First world problems

Leia Glover said...

I haven't "stopped by" here in a whole minute but I am so diggin all those brown hairs on your head! Makes me want to go brunette again!

I hateeeeeeeeeee grocery shopping with a passion but I also do my shopping with a 2 year old, who is a perfect angel until we walk thru the grocery store doors. nightmare.

Allison said...

This cracks me up. My husband and I are both Type A personalities (list makers and control freaks) so this actually works well for us when we shop together, but trust me there are many places this does not work well for us. Haha.

Shaylynn, They Let Me Blog. said...

I think I should come grocery shopping with ya'll, I'll be the one recording the action.

Grocery shopping is disgusting, i hate it.

Nikki said...

hahaha hubby and I have the same problem. I usually go before work on my late days, or make him go after work on his early days(with a list I made) so we don't fight about it.

funsizetessa said...

You have true talent in writing! I enjoy your posts always. You writing a book is the best idea. So get on it! :)

callie said...

LOL! i thought i was the only one who came out of the grocery store as the grinch! lol i absolutely Hate it! im not good at it either... : (

Alexa said...

I finally don't mind grocery shopping, because I got my shizz together and started weekly meal planning and list-making. But before that, it was so stressful!! I DO hate the checkout process, namely sheisty baggers who think eggs belong in the bag with a 5-lb. cantaloupe. WTH? Your shopping hatred does make for hilarious blog posts for the rest of us :)

{Southern Living, Our Way ~ www.alexaandglenn.blogspot.com}

Helene said...

I am so with you on this!! I hate it and I hate going with my husband.

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Lauren said...

Hahaha! Love it.

Denise Lopatka said...

i am dying over this post. love it so much!!! i can totally relate! xox

Jenna said...

This is SO me and my husband! We were actually in the grocery store together last night... and we get NOTHING accomplished! We came home with $150 worth of groceries and then left and went out to eat! I am not kidding!!! We get lots of stuff but nothing to make a complete meal with! What's up with that?! I am not sure how to fix this! I make a list and TRY to plan meals but it rarely works out! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Kendra Klingler said...

I'm like your husband, except I'm the bulk. Where we go, the flour or pasta kind of stuff are in the bulk section and it's all in plastic bags that I end up throwing away when we get home. But now I'm having to put it in the plastic bags, yet there's still extra after putting it in the containers that we have. You will get the hang of grocery shopping ...soon...