Runnin' Out of Firsts

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Grahm and I have been together for a while now. Not so long that we're plucking the back hairs off of each other or giving one another sponge baths, but long enough that we're running out of "firsts." This isn't necessarily a bad thing; I like the "Hey let's talk about how heinous your breath is" comfortable, the I-can-fart-in-front-of-you-and-think-nothing-of-it familiar. 

And I think we'd both agree that there are a few "firsts" we didn't particularly enjoy: peeing in front of each other, sharing a toothbrush, and buying a box of tampons. Okay, that last one was just Grahm, but you get the gist.

In a "If we go to the movies again, I think I'll scream" moment, we decided to do something we'd never done together. Bowl. (Why is it called bowling? There's no "bowl." It's a ball, people. A ridiculously heavy one. Well, I guess that depends on your capabilities. If you have gummy, toothpick arms like me... you get the eight pounder, or the six pounder if you're lucky enough to find one where the finger holes are large enough for your over-cracked man knuckles.

After our fun escapade, I now know why we have never hurled a ball at some pins together... We're both easily frustrated and ridiculously terrible, like the we-should-probably-be-using-bumpers-but-too-bad-we-aren't-six-years-old kind of terrible. (Phew, hyphens!) Ironically, our bowling names were "Aces" and "SirStrikesAlot." Neither of those were true. It was more like "GutterGirl" and "CantAimStraight." Grahm is even worse than me, poor lefty. I will admit though, I secretly relished it (mwhaha!) because he kinda beats me at everything. Boggle and bowling (not really), that's all this chicka's got going on for her.

Bowling alleys are the definition of sketchville. They smell of shoe polish, questionable mozzarella sticks, and moist body odor. Unruly adolescents and grump-tastic old men, for some reason, all flock to the lanes like the gutters are lined with gold. Seriously, there was a two-hour wait on Friday night. (What?!) And wearing someone else's shoes is always an adventure -- by that I mean, it's utterly horrifying. Where has this shoe been? I, for one, don't enjoy being forced to pay for someone's leftover toe jam. (It's even more embarrassing when you have to ask for a child size, because they don't have an adult size small enough to fit your fetus feet.)

There probably won't be a second bowling excursion for a while, but we had a blast. We made fun of each other, looked like complete idiots next to the serious league players, and vowed to never talk smack about this strange game ever again.

...And did I mention I won 2 out of 3? (Don't tell Grahm I told you; I may have told him I wouldn't tell his bowling woes to a single soul. Apparently, he doesn't know me too well.)

18 comments:

Lauren said...

Hilarious! We've been bowling a time or two and I completely agree! SKETCHVILLE is right! I hate bowling haha! :)

xo

Haley W. said...

Completely agree on the sketchiness of bowling alleys -- I've been to quite a few and the words "Wow! This place is really nice!" have never crossed my mind or come out of my mouth. Ha!

Melissa Knott said...

So funny! Tyler and I go bowling maybe twice a year and I have given up. The man is good at everything. I just always hope to maintain some sort of dignity and set a goal for myself. Nothing too crazy =)

Rosie said...

I have been bowling once with my boyfriend. I suck at it...but did ok in that I didn't have a complete meltdown because I was losing. He got to experience his first 'loser' tantrum after a particularly tense game of mini-golf. Well done for winning one for the team.

Rosie x

Jenna said...

I LOVE bowling strangely enough... it's also the one thing I can sometimes beat Jurgen at! I must admit, it is weird wearing other peoples' shoes. In SA they let you buy cheap socks with a grippy sole, so I've learn to avert the weird shoe situation over here ;)

xxx
Jenna

Tamara said...

Bowling is the one thing we love to do...but it's less about the actual bowling and more about the pitchers of draft beer & pizza with a gallon side of grease.
Also, one time in high school we went bowling and there happened to be a DJ there. Well, needless to say a dance-off ensued in the lobby area. It was a magical moment.

Kell said...

Ok, true story, I used to ask for the light kid's ball when I went bowling. But now I suck it up and use the heavier ones. Also, I got yelled at by an old man with a toucan nose one time for trying to bowl at the same time as his. "Don't you know ANYTHING ABOUT BOWLING?! You can't go at the same time as the person in the lane next to you!!!"
It was just one of those moments that solidified my dislike for the elderly.

Liz Brown said...

Awww, you should keep bowling. I go, like, every 3 years or so, and every time I'm all "Why don't I do this more often?" You could get all good and be on bowling leagues and things.

Jessah @ Dreaming of Dimples said...

How fun! I kinda love bowling. It's pretty fun. I actually took a class in college. Who does that?

the lovebirds said...

ha ha! You just made my day- I got a good laugh out of this. Bowling is a best... especially when you beat your man! xo

Kathy B. said...

I always love swinging by this corner on the Internet and seeing that you've posted. I get so excited that I almost urinate. I love the way you write, and can always count on you to get me chuckling. So thank you!!

As always, this post did not disappoint! I too, am a bloody terrible bowler, but somehow, despite how horrific bowling excursions always tend to be, you will always find yourself returning some day in the future! Xx

Jenna said...

I love this! It is always important to try to find a new "first" moment every now and then.

Angie said...

Your so funny!
Wait till your married 13 year. Firsts are quite hard to come by. This weekend though the Hubby and I rode our 1st upside down roller coaster together. Yep, neither of us had ever been on one!

lesley kim said...

super cute post!! firsts are always the sweetest...

do you want to follow each other?
lesleykim.blogspot.com

Second Hand Rose said...

I gather you won't be getting a personalised bowling ball anytime soon then!! Such a great post as usual, I absolutely hate wearing the shoes too! XxxX http://thesecondhandrose.blogspot.co.uk

SisterWife Annie said...

I have an old bowling ball in the closet if you need it. Only been used once. Used to weigh down a gunny sack. But for real, I hate bowling.

Lauren {at} Life.Love.Lauren said...

haha congrats on the wins! My husband still needs to experience the first of buying tampons for me haha!

Rachel said...

Bowling was one of my first dates with my husband! We haven't gone in a while though. That's happy that you can beat him--I can't beat my guy at bowling. Boggle, on the other hand, is my forte.