Oh, ladies

Friday, September 14, 2012

It's something in the air. Maybe the promise of fall and cold air has puckered up my buns into a slightly more annoyed state than usual. Or maybe I'm just altogether unpleasant (probably). But some girls lately have just really been chapping me up a wall. And some things, we just need to get off our chests... right?

Girls who run in just a sport's bra. I get it. Your boobs are bigger than mine, (that's not hard)... but running with your bowling balls flapping in the breeze can't be comfortable. And it sure ain't attractive for the innocent passersby-- aka me.

Girls at the grocery store. Every. single. one. of. you. I know it's an agonizing choice between Tony's and DiGorno's pizza, but your big buns--the unfortunate result of that frozen goodness--are clogging up my lane. And don't get me started on you couponers -- are you really saving that much?

Girls who think their baby is the next Brad Pitt Einstein flying wonderchild. (See Momsters for my full rant.)

Girls who think a successful Crock-Pot recipe makes them excellent wives. Granted, I'm a big fan of the wonder pot. It's a convenient, time-saving miracle. But let's be honest. Throwing some cream-of-chicken soup on some frozen meat does not make you a great cook. Those meals are also not Instagram worthy. Like ever.

Girls who overly gloat about their husbands. I mean, I like to post a flower picture or two every now and then... but there's a time to draw the line. "Oh sorry, I was just busy watering my 453 dozen roses. Isn't he a keeper?" or "Oh my word, my husband just cleaned our house and both of the neighbors'! How great is he?" 

Girls who excessively complain about their husbands. I mean, what are you trying to demonstrate? Your husband may be one giant tooltrain two stops shy of douche town, but trust me, we think you're ten times worse than he is because of your ridiculous posts. I mean, if you got to complain just do what I do and call your mom. (Ha.)

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but I don't want you to think I'm more judgemental than you already do. So ladies, let's work on this... shall we?

23 comments:

Melissa Knott said...

I am guilty of posting recipes on Fridays. Otherwise, I agree with you 100%.

Kate said...

I'm guilty of (sometimes) running in just a sports bra. But I'm so flat-chested it's ridiculous. So while I'm not out there trying to flaunt anything (let's face it. I couldn't flaunt if I triiiiiied), I just happen to view it as less laundry I have to wash. :P

Nagehan said...

You know what sickens me more than anything? When people enter their babies into baby contests (Gerber, etc, etc.) It's sad and it's wrong.

Sarah @ 90 Percent Blonde... said...

I am so in love with this post!

But my crock pot recipes DO make me an excellent fiance/wife LOL ;-)

Holly said...

Hahaa...I definitely agree with a lot of these :) And I get sick of people complaining publicly about their husband/boyfriend/fiance or even their families. It's rude!! And the pics of the flowers....gag me. And I don't ever just run in a sports bra...my boobs annoy me too much and it's not comfortable to just run like that.

Thanks for venting :)

Syndal said...

hahaha. perfection.

lo @ crazy ever after said...

Haaaaaaaa! You're such a funny girl. We still need to vlog together. Cuz we are both heeeee-larious. And don't hate me...but there is a they're where it doesn't belong up there. ;)

lo @ crazy ever after said...

I mean a you're. ;)

Alana Christine said...

I hate when I see girls at the gym in just a sports bra! Honey, that is NOT a shirt and I don't want to see it.

Kaity said...

Amen to the CrockPot recipes!

Cheyla Marie said...

Ha I have to agree with you. "one giant tooltrain two stops shy of douche town" Literally made me laugh out loud!

Leia Glover said...

"Your husband may be one giant tooltrain two stops shy of douche town"

This is officially my favorite thing. EVER. In the history of EVERRRRR.

Andrea @ Love is... said...

Oh I agree with a lot of these! I have NEVER understood the sports bra thing. Drives. Me. Crazy!

Kell said...

Uh, for realsies just read a post on Facebook. Girl was talking about how her kid is getting in trouble for not paying attention in school. Her rationalization? "It's typical for a child who is smarter than average. She was doing this by blahblah months, this by blahblah months, this by blahblah blah blah blah."
Yeah, your kid is just a genius and definitely doesn't have ADD or anything like that.

Allison said...

I hate when women bash their husbands...come on. That is probably the one on your list that gets me the most. And I love your rants. I agree with you on oh every single one!

Angie said...

I totally call my mom to complain about the Mister LOL!
Like anyone else really cares

Lauren said...

I find your humor quite hilarious, sorry I'm not sorry! Lol... :)

xo

Anonymous said...

This is really offensive, Jena. :(

bobbi said...

I have to agree with Anonymous above. Lest you think that the only people who push back on posts like this are "anonymous trolls" or whatever, I can assure you that as a long-time (or long-ish) reader, this post is over the top in terms of being mean spirited. I'll leave points 3-6 alone, but 1 and 2 are rude as hell. To go the route of personal anecdote: I don't jog in only a sports bra (mostly because I haven't done a sit-up this side of 2005), but as a big chested girl, I would not care one iota if my "bowling balls" were "attractive" to you or not when I'm exercising. I'm sure the runner's comfort is paramount to your opinion in their decision making process. As is should be. Having such a visceral reaction to someone minding their own business says more about you than it does about them. And the grocery store body snarking is not just juvenile but also incredibly cruel. I've probably spent more than a reasonable amount of time standing in front of the freezer section deciding between Phish Food and S'mores ice cream (and, my god I WISH I had big buns), but if someone with this kind of attitude tried to shame me out of the way (for what, being fat?) instead of just saying "excuse me, I'm trying to get through here" I would side-eye them so hard it would hurt.

Blayne Royse said...

I'm just feeling really protective of you right now. You can't please everyone. All blogs have a different audience, and your audience is supposed to your girlfriends--which means, you shouldn't have to censor your thoughts, especially since it's a personal blog. You have some strangers and acquaintances that follow this blog, and that's fine---but if they take issue with the content, they are free to stop reading; and clearly they don't understand you or your tone, so maybe it's best if they do leave. The post is a snarky, but it's a rant! All of the girls you're "ranting" about in this post are anonymous--and essentially imaginary.

I took the post this way: Sometimes we have bad days---when EVERYTHING annoys us. The lady who is paying for entire grocery bill in coupons, while me and 10 other people stand behind her with 3 items and WAIT for 15 minutes while my toddler is dangerously close to a tantrum is being inconsiderate. On a good day, I let it go. On a bad day: she annoys me. Just because Jena felt this way on Friday does not mean she'll feel this way on a Saturday.

We should all be able to laugh at ourselves, and know that we're not alone in the world and that our actions effect others. Does it matter? No. If I run in a sports bra and it pisses Jena off---news flash Jena; I don't care! But I love you still, and I know you still love me.

Second Hand Rose said...

Everyone is allowed their opinions in life so ignore anyone who is being silly, it's only meant in a jokey fun way, so calm down people!! I love whatever you write and your opinions, so never stop being you!! Complaining bloggers are this worst though! XxxX http://thesecondhandrose.blogspot.co.uk

Marie said...

HAHAHAHA this is really funny!! Love your honesty :D

Kate said...

Coupon people drive me nuts!!!! I got behind a lady who did 14 transactions yesterday UGH!! If it can stay good for 10 years do you really think its good for you?!?!