Don't do this with your husband

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

... Run.

There are many things I'd recommend you do with your man, after all, quality time is kinda essential to the whole marriage thing. But slapping your thunder thighs against the concrete with him ain't one of them. It will leave you feeling discouraged and wanting to drain your sorrows (and achy calves) in ice cream.

To gear up for a 5k we did this weekend, Grahm and I decided to "train" together. Until last week, I had decided that round does indeed qualify as a shape, so therefore I must be "in shape" since I am, in fact, a shape... (That made no sense.) But Grahm wasn't okay with my sound reasoning; he said we actually need to run before the race. Lame sauce.

Grahm would blaze a trail, and I would be slowing huffing and puffing in my 300-lb lady pace where my tennis shoes barely got off the ground. With queso and Dr Pepper clogging my arteries and six months of a glorious couch-potato state, my legs weren't exactly cooperating. A few minutes after Grahm blew by me, he would slowly jog back toward me... after all, we were running "together." I'm pretty sure he ran twice what I ran from all the coming and going he did.

Men think they are encouraging partners because they:

1. Pat your buns: Not motivating, since that, my friend, is the piece of flub slowing me down. If it wasn't for that bad boy (girl?) I'd be footloose and fancy free, and just might be able to keep up with you.

2. Yell: "C'mon, babe! You're almost there!" or "You can do it! Only a little bit longer." While this may be encouraging for a moment or two, it's more embarrassing than anything... especially when the elderly couple across the street is walking faster than I'm running. I don't need the whole neighborhood knowing I'm having trouble running one measly mile. No need shouting it from the rooftop, my friend.

3. (Mostly) stick with you: Whether they're by your side the entire time, or they trot back to you after they completed the whole run and you're still on the first mile... this is not helpful. It makes me feel bad that I'm so obviously holding you back. God forbid, I restrain your inner Olympian. It also makes me feel like I have to run faster. Which I don't want to do. At all. Just go ahead of me, and I (kinda) promise that I won't walk while you're not looking.



I used to brag to Grahm about how I am such a better runner since I have two marathons under my fanny pack. In fact, I was the person who made fun of people for bragging about completing a 5k. I mean, that's only 3 miles. Try 26.2. Well, my friends, I ate my words a little bit this weekend. We ran well, and I felt accomplished! I probably will do any future training by myself, but I still loved racing with my lightening speed man.

24 comments:

Veronica Lee Burns said...

the color run looks like so much fun! I've been trying to convince Kevin to do it!

Mrs. Robinson said...

You two are so adorable, it kills me. And brings me back to life & makes me jealous, haha. I'm doing the Color Run in November...I've REALLY gotta start training. But it's h-o-t outside and I'd rather sit on the sofa and hang out with my lightning speed man who could just run it without any problem...even though he hasn't run in over 5 years. BUT I loved this post ~ informative and funny, as always!

Lauren said...

ha! love this...and while I hate running anyway, I think I hate it even more when I'm running with my husband! jogging back to me is just a slap in the face! ha!

Madeline Grace said...

I am so signing up for the color run when it comes down here! You both look so adorable!

Liz Brown said...

You moan and groan a lot about your buns ... but no one else knows what you're talking about. :)

But I DO know what its like to have long legged mile eating male running partners. Its disgusting, is what it is.

Courtney B said...

Ha ha! My husband and I DEFINITELY don't go running together! Annnd... we don't cook together! I know a lot of couples find that romantic, but we almost always end up wanting to kill each other :)

Tanya said...

Haha, this is hilarious! Shockingly enough, my husband is actually a really good running partner... but it could be because I'm always yelling at him to run slower.

And your pictures are adorable! What is this color run I keep hearing so much about? I will have to check it out!

Sam @ reddyorknot.blogspot.com said...

The color run looks so fun...but I totally agree with you about running with the hubby. There is no way he can find me attractive huffing and puffing at walking pace ha ha

Stephanie McCall said...

ohmygosh this is so funny! I was in this same boat now three weeks ago! we ran a 10k together and while we are both runners, we run at much much different paces. I'm a slow but steady {aka the chubby lady shuffle} where he's more of a sprint sprint SPRINT! kind of guy. the race was brutal haha

Katy said...

My husband and I are doing the Color Run twice this summer and I'm super excited about it. However, I am the one that will be running back to him and encouraging him to keep going :o) He's more of a jock then an actual runner, but I'm just happy he is willing to run these races with me.

Allison said...

Haha you are hilarious. I agree that running with my husband is not my favorite thing to do. But your race looks like so much fun. Love that picture of you two!

Crissy B. said...

This made me laugh so hard and I can totally relate. My husband does all the same things your husband does when we run together!

lori said...

you are too funny... i have always hated working out with my hubs... for the reasons listed above. but he really is trying to encourage me, so i'm trying not to be so sensitive. ha.

Michelle said...

I did the Color Run last month! I am SO glad you got to do it too! Wasn't it a blast?! Before the day of the run I hadn't run in over a month, so I definitely wasn't in shape either! If I wasn't so distracted by all the color being thrown in my face and the people running by in tutus, I probably would have realized how dead I was and collapsed. The Color Run is a perfect run for those of us NOT in shape...they don't even keep time so no need to worry! haha

Second Hand Rose said...

I love your dress up you both look great! Wow well done for doing this, I could barely walk that let alone run! XxxX http://thesecondhandrose.blogspot.co.uk

Sarah said...

But on the plus side, it looks like you had fun. I'm doing the Color Run in September and I'm super excited!

Em said...

I LOVED the Color Run and also did it with my fiancee! So much fun!! :)

Andrea @ Love is... said...

Haha, my hubs does the same stuff! Not that we've ever trained for a marathon... Or plan to in the near future. But when we were out hiking a few weeks ago, he kept stopping & "cheering" me on. Eventually I told him to shut up & keep going. I'll catch up in my own time, damn it! = )

Kathy B. said...

As always, I loved this post! You always make me smile like a Cheshire cat gone wrong. I haven't run since about 1999, so good on you lady! xXx

Vanessa said...

So funny - My Fiancé ALWAYS tries to make us train together, and he does EXACTLY the same thing; Runs slowly with me for a bit....speeds up and mouths "I'm going ahead!" ... to then jog back to me in about 5 minutes and try and run at the same pace as me again, which only makes me feel like I'm running even S..L..O..W..E..R.....

Drives me insane! ;-)

Vanessa x
www.what-vanessa-does.blogspot.com

Megan said...

OMG! I can't stop laughing! My husband and I decided to try running together while we were dating. Definitely a BAD idea! Cute capture of the reason it is a bad idea!

Tamara said...

Haha! This is all sooo true!
I convinced my husband a couple years ago to run with me - yeah, he's got a good 6 inches more leg on him than I do and his one stride is like 3 of mine. It was so embarrassingly hilarious.

Rachel said...

Yeah, I have no desire to run with my husband at all. Biking, I can do. The tires are about the same size so I don't tend to get that far behind...

Amy said...

Ok, your humor kills me, i think we speak the same language.
I am currently training for a half marathon...and it is brutal death. I once saw a pin that said "While i was running i heard clapping and was excited, then i realized it was my thighs"...yes that is exactly how i feel haha.