a very rude awakening

Thursday, May 24, 2012


Our last name is Roach. 
I knew when I took it, life would forever change. I knew I'd have severe limitations when it comes to choosing names for my children. Ada, Ima, Sawyer, Harry, any kind of color like Gray or Violet are big fat NOs. (This list is constantly growing.)  I also knew whenever I pop out a child, "Roach baby" is going to be written on the plastic carton that they wheel into my room. Gross. I knew I'd be saying, "Last name Roach, like the bug" at least once a day for the rest of time. 

Little did I know, however, that our last name would haunt us in other ways.

Around two a.m. this morning, I was tucked away under the cubbies. Snug as a bug (no pun intended). Grahm (aka the blanket fiend) was sprawled out beside me. In my slumber daze, I shifted around. I remember thinking that our room was a little toasty, so I threw the comforter down at my toedangles. It was then I felt something move against my foot. "Probably nothing," I thought and returned back to my dreams of sugarplums and dancing fairies. 

Two seconds later, I realized there was in fact SOMETHING down there.
I screamed bloody murder and leaped out of bed at an impressive speed. (Let's just say if my thunder thighs could run 26.2 miles that fast, there'd be a new Olympian for the USA.) 

I ripped the covers off the bed to find...
A mammoth ROACH was crawling around, footloose and fancy free. I've never been so disgusted and horrified. You'd think we live in a stinkin' trailor park

Grahm killed it, of course, and was able to fall asleep five minutes later. Not me. I was WIDE awake. There's literally NOTHING I am more terrified of than bugs (Hilarious, given my new last name). I kept wondering when its brother or mother was going to appear. Dear lord, if that wasn't the best/worst alarm clock ever. 

Moral of the story: Roaches attract roaches, apparently. And never let your husband eat Oreos in bed.

30 comments:

Tara said...

I both laughed and cringed at this post! I literally got the chills by the end of it because I can't imagine!!! Luckily your hubby was there to kill it, do a "roach" check tonight before turning out the lights ;)

Mrs. Jenna Lou said...

I would have died! Then slept on the couch for a few days before returning to the bed.

Holly said...

Hahaha, oh goodness....I'm so sorry for your woes of your last name following you around, but I would have done the EXACT same thing!!!!

The Greers said...

We both had encounters with giant roaches yesterday (see my facebook status!) Ew.

Michelle P said...

I HATE bugs! Yuck!

Anna said...

Oh no! I would be so terrified! At least he killed it! I would have cried!
-Anna
asweetsouthernmess.blogspot.com

lo @ crazy ever after said...

Jesse kills bugs and then leave their guts squished as a way of "sending a message" to the other bugs. But it literally makes me throw up. Not sure what's grosser...dead bugs or creepy crawly bugs. Ufda.

Karla said...

Oh my I just got goosebumps!! Eeeks!! I hate those creepy crawlers!
Haha everything you pair with that last name is too funny!

Lauren said...

You poor, poor thing. That is seriously traumatizing. Maybe you should take a mild sedative tonight? ;)

Allison said...

Oh I just love your stories. I hope this is the only roach you attract from your name. Yikes!

Laura & Adam said...

That is so gross! Something similar happened to me, I stepped on a dead mouse that our cats caught while walking to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I blew it off thinking I just stepped on a cat toy and realized it was the REAL thing in the morning. I hate mice, and I'm ashamed that one even got in our house. If I were you, I would have reacted the same way to that roach :)

Melissa Knott said...

EWWW! Two Roaches in bed is enough (kidding). But seriously, a third (more bug-like creature is more than unwelcome. In any bed. My skin crawls at the thought of a giant bug in my bed. How unnerving?!!?

Haley W. said...

Ahhhh! I hate all things creepy and crawly. I used to love caterpillars when I was younger answer now I even hate those! I always think I feel something crawling around my toes at night and I have jumped out of my bed just like you did wayyy too many times to count! Haha, hope his mother and brother take the hint and take their ickiness elsewhere! :P

Erika said...

Eeek that is AWFUL!! Maybe you could change the pronunciation of your last name somehow. I knew a girl whose last name was Ratz. She pronounced it "rotz," I guess to distance herself from icky pests a bit. Can't say I blame her! :) anyway, hope you get some uninterrupted sleep tonight!

Erika said...

Eeek that is AWFUL!! Maybe you could change the pronunciation of your last name somehow. I knew a girl whose last name was Ratz. She pronounced it "rotz," I guess to distance herself from icky pests a bit. Can't say I blame her! :) anyway, hope you get some uninterrupted sleep tonight!

Nagehan said...

A similar thing happened to me a couple of years ago when I was awoken by an inch long spider crawling up my chest. I swear I lost my mind a little that night.

Bon Bon said...

nooooo. just. no! one of my worst fears! xoxo

Kerrie said...

haha that is hilarious! I would have DIED.

Jenae Olay said...

Your last name isn't bad at all. Mine is horrible. My new last name is Horeth. Pronounced whore-eth. If I have a girl she'll defiantly have to be tough on that playground. But I'm with on not being able to sleep after something like that happens. I'd be running that marathon with ya.

Ashley said...

Oh yuck!!! I hate bugs!!!! I can never sleep after seeing them either... creepy critters!!

kelsie fennell said...

Oh no! I had one crawl out of my cereal box a few weeks ago and I cried like a small child. I feel your pain.

lori said...

haha ohhh gosh... i remember once i was asleep with the hubs before we were married at his place and one crawled across my neck!!!! i almost died. and forget sleeping after that.

Kristen Danielle said...

haha!!! Not laughing at your expense but rather the story in its entirety! :)

Katy said...

Oh gosh! This made me laugh but also made my skin crawl. I hate creepy crawly bugs. We don't have roaches in NH, but we have these really large ants that think they can live in my house. Yuck.

Veronica Sitten said...

Oh I love Texas but we tend to me home to some of the biggest roaches....ick! That happened to my parents once! I agree, so terrifying!

Alana Christine said...

I would have wet the bed! lol

brittany kuhn said...

ahh i would have done the same thing and Anthony would have just been its just a bug! haha..glad your back to blogging!

Second Hand Rose said...

Oh god poor you that is awful! I will never understand how men can fall asleep so easily after things like that happen! XxxX http://thesecondhandrose.blogspot.co.uk

twiggy@thedirtlife said...

i found a link listed to here from melissa knott's blog, "after we tied the knott"...hystercial.

i am simply sympathizing with you, and from there i dont' know what else to say. other than AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Courtney Carlton said...

This... is... MY NIGHTMARE. I will never forget when my roommate in college screamed from the next room, because she'd put her foot in a shoe that had a cockroach at the toe of it. AHHHHH I'm so sorry you had to go through this - I would DIE DIE DIE DIE. I'm not kidding. I think I would actually... die. Glad you didn't. :)