The worst part of a new city is finding a new hairdresser

Monday, April 23, 2012

Imagine a large woman with cave-man teeth, a ginormous round nose, and a butch haircut. Her chest alone could crush you with the force of a thousand dragons. Two watermelons on a downhill race doesn't even begin to cover it. Her hair is coarse and jagged, just grazing her chin. She's easily ten inches taller than you (okay, just me). She has fake, hot pink nails longer than her fingers. You can only assume this an attempt to feminize her large man knuckles. You keep wondering if she is actually a he.

This was my hair dresser on Friday. 
(I decided asking her/him for a picture would have been too weird.)

Normally, I really don't like judging people based on how they look. I mean, they can't exactly help it. However, when it comes to someone who is going to be stylin' my fine hairs, you can bet your bottom dollar that I'm gonna give her locks the good once over. And probably the rest of her fashion choices.

So when this gender-questionable person approached me, my first instinct was to run. Rude, yes. But if girlfriend (Boyfriend?) can't do her own hair, what kind of mayhem is she going to cause with mine?

But what could I do?
I couldn't walk away after deciding she didn't know her way around a hairbrush or that we didn't exactly share similar anatomy. I had made the appointment over the phone, and I'm new to San Antonio. How could I have known? Not to mention, I desperately needed someone to fix my Cruella Devile-roots.

For the next three hours, I proceeded to have my fears confirmed. This person had no idea what they were doing. She jerked my hair around like I was a rag doll, and I'm pretty hard headed (no pun implied). She turned my chair back and forth, back and forth so much that I've got a bad case of the whiplash. Bleach got on my forehead, on my ear, on my neck. She used a clipboard to flatten my foils. A CLIPBOARD, people. She combed my hair with her mammoth nails instead of a brush. She spoke in hurried Spanish to her friend across the salon, obviously asking her what to do next. She pushed her unnaturally large breasts in my face several times. She made crude jokes about having hair on her chest (thus confirming my other suspicions). She attempted to sing Adele, over and over and over. 

A police officer came into the building near the end. Apparently, he just sticks around until the salon closes. It wasn't even a bad area! At this point, I was convinced there were dead bodies hidden in the bathroom. I wondered if the she-man would chop me to bits after cruelly ruining my hair. The policeman loved telling me stories of current murders going on in town. (Impossible to know how to respond to that.)  

Well, I survived. My hair, however, did not. I am now a platinum, splotchy blonde. I practically glow in the dark. Lovely. Grahm had to give me lots of hugs as I cried a few (okay, several) vain tears. Let's hope nothing bad actually happens to me in this lifetime. I obviously handle things super well.

21 comments:

Ashley said...

Oh no!!! I guess you now know where NOT to go!!! Next time you see someone with nice hair, ask them who they go to! I hope you are able to find someone soon!

marie said...

Okay that is actually really scary! Yikes! I would say you should have just left but I know I would have done the same thing and just sat there. It does look nice in the picture if that counts for anything.

Stephanie McCall said...

bahahha I am so sorry! but your description of the lady has me crying I'm laughing so hard!

Jenna said...

Awww, I know this feeling, and have yet to find a good hairdresser in Johannesburg - I always go whenever I'm visiting in California :/ But, from the picture your hair doesn't look bad at all, actually it looks pretty cute {if that's any consolation!}

xxx
Jenna

Lauren said...

oh this would be so terrible! this might possibly be one of the reasons that I will never move outside a 100 mile radius from my hair-dresser...there's too much stress involved in finding a new one!

Anna said...

It happens to the best of us! I've had 2 bad experiences when it came to finding a new hairdresser. 1 in little bitty Martin, TN and then 1 in big ole Nashville. I had a dreadfully uneven haircut and the most awful bangs respectively. People ask why I pay $75 for highlights, lowlights, and a haircut from where I go now...I think it speaks for itself. It's reassuring to know someone isn't going to screw your do up! It will all get better with time!
-Anna
asweetsouthernmess.blogspot.com

Sarah Lillian said...

I can totally relate. We just moved to Nashville and my hair is starting to look a big questionable but I'm TERRIFIED to start the quest for a good hairdresser. I hate wasting money on bad haircuts!

Sar said...

You're still ADORABLE.

L-Kat said...

Oh no! You poor thing. Finding a good hairdresser can be so frustrating! Ask around - you'll find one! In the mean time, you still look fantastic. :)

The Presutti's said...

Aw girl, I'm so sorry. I know how you feel, I went to the Paul Mitchell and spent 2 hours getting way more hair cut off then I wanted. :) It will get better girl, I promise

Lauren said...

You poor thing!! You are still beautiful :)

Alana Christine said...

Aww I'm sorry girl : (
On the bright side, your hair didn't fall out!!

Michelle said...

I've shed plenty of tears myself after a bad haircut! I've never had an experience quite like yours though. I'm sure you still look great, and better luck next time! I'm sure there are plenty of good hair dressers out there! =)

lori said...

oh no :( a bad haircut is no fun! and it is really hard to find a good hairstylist when you move... what i did was posting on facebook asking if anyone had any recommendations for a hairstylist in my area. then of course, i went with the choice of the person who commented that had the cutest hair. and i had a good experience. i think i have heard of some website where people can write reviews on salons in an area... i can't remember the name of it- but it may be something to look into.

Michelle said...

Oh gosh. That is a *nightmare.* You need to call Tabatha's Salon Takeover! Finding a hairdresser is SO hard.

I had an extrememly similar experience. A creepy middle eastern man was filling in for the girl I had an appointment with. My bangs were destroyed. He grabbed them and blunt cut them until they were half the size of my forehead. I had to pin them back for 6 months until they grew to a respectable length. Not to mention all the uneven lengths everywhere. I felt like I had a mullet!

Anonymous said...

Awww =( *Hug*

Emily Dextraze said...

sorry to hear about your bad experience, maybe check out the salon a bit before. :( But who am I to talk I haven't been to get my hair cut yet in this city. I moved here in December and am in dire need of a trim but am scared of what will happen and I am loving the length I have now. I colour it myself, from a box so I am ok in that department.

katie michelle said...

yikes! duly noted: if i EVER get a hairdresser that fits that description (or one similar) i am running fast in the opposite direction.

on a side note: your hair doesn't look bad at all!! :)

Jenny said...

I can totally relate. I'm currently driving an hour to get my hair cut because I can't bring myself to find a new hairdresser!
p.s.-Just found your blog and I'm so glad I did!

Angie said...

Bless your heart! I recently found a hair dresser I love and this is the first time in MANY years I've been happy. I hope you find someone soon.

Second Hand Rose said...

Oh god I absolutely hate when you have to find a hairdresser! I've gone to so many over the years, it seems so hard to find a good one! I'm sure we all judge their abilities on their own hair! Don't worry it will grow and you could never look rubbish, good luck for next time! XxxX http://thesecondhandrose.blogspot.co.uk/