My biggest fears, apparently

Thursday, April 5, 2012

I realized something this morning when I was blow drying my hair (the first time in a week, feel sorry for Grahm). As I was looking around our bathroom, I noticed some of my bad habits screaming at me. I like to elbow up in 409 and Comet (I mean, hello? You do all kinds of grizz things in there, AND it's where you go to get clean... something's wrong with this), so I'm not exactly talking about hygiene. I'm talking about spending (my middle name) on frivolous things (basically the only thing I'm good at in life).

Do you ever buy something like every time you're out of the house, not because you need it? Well, I do. And I'm not even talking about Forever-21 sprees (that's an entirely different beast of pocketbook). Almost every time I'm out, I buy one, two, or (okay, okay) ALL of these products. 
Conditioner. I literally have eight different kinds in my shower right now. And yes, I did arrange them according to height. (I obviously don't have enough free times on my hands.) I don't know what it is. I love squirting different goops on my head. With every dollop, I always pray my fine pansy strands will magically transform into a thick voluminous mane with one short lathering cycle. 


I also love the different smells. Some I keep around just to add coconut to my hair. Who doesn't like to remind people of Hawaii freakin' goodness and sunshine? Some of the healthy ones I have to mask with my good smelling ones, which I'm sure totally defeats the purpose. For every one bottle of shampoo, I go through like four of conditioner.
Nail polish. While my collection isn't exactly huge, it's still in an infant stage. I recently threw away all of my nail polish, because it was older than my neighbor's varicose veins (lovely). During this "clean out" process, I decided to become a snob and only buy OPI or China Glaze colors. Like there's any real difference... except in price. Holy Aunt Jemima, it's like $10 bucks a pop.

The funny part is, I don't even like to paint my nails. It draws attention to my little-smokey fingers and my fetus fingernails that I like to bite off. I also chip away at the paint like there's no tomorrow. I don't know what it is, man. It's like therapy or something. Instant gratification. Chip, chip, chip.

Moisturizer. Whenever an 18-year-old-smoother-than-a-baby's-butt troll comes on my TV screen trying to sell me some kind of cream I can use to have amazing skin, I automatically feel the need to buy it. I'm so optimistic in products, it's unbelievable. In my little brain I know the girl on the screen hasn't even sprouted her first zit let alone her first wrinkle. But that doesn't stop me from needing a new, better eye cream, face mask, night goop, primer, moisturizer, suntan lotion, etc. Out of control. I've got cream coming out of my arm pits over here.

And that crap ain't cheap, my friends. Darn you baby trolls telling me "Im worth it" and all that, pretending like you eliminated the lines that zigzagged across you perfect almond-shaped eyes. You got me thinking my bathroom drawer holds the secret fountain of youth... when you and I both know a change gonna come on my noggin' no matter what preemptive measures I take.


So there you have it.
My deepest fears in life revealed, apparently. Split ends, cheap nail polish , and future crow's feet.

27 comments:

Meghan @ More from Meg said...

I seem to always buy nail polish whenever I go to the store!! I have some I've never even opened!

Elle said...

I love products. I get so excited when I finally run out of something and have to replace it. If I wasn't still in school--I would probably just be buying everything. Now I will allow myself one measly (usually the cheap kind) bottle of nail polish just to feel like I'm someone special. Lol. It's a girl thing I think.

Chrissy said...

I've always told myself that I would do a massive clean-up and simplify my products down to my absolute favorites (of course inspired by Tyra Banks, Oprah, The Today Show, and other talkshow gurus).

BUT I CAN'T DO IT!!!

Michelle P said...

Ugh I know what you mean. Our bathroom is literally lined up with crap!

Lauren said...

I feel the same way with moisturizers. I don't even have dry skin but in my mind I'm convinced that this new magical moisturizer will make me thinner, tanner, hotter and of course will give me baby soft skin. I don't think those demands are too high but for some reason it never seems to happen :S Maybe I'll have to try another one...
Have a great day!

Kerrie said...

haha you are hilarious. I'm with you on the nail polish. I have a ton, and I love the joy of chipping away haha.

Blayne Royse said...

All that shampoo is stripping your hair of it's natural oils JENA. Get it together. Clutter bug. Geez.

I'm kidding. loveeee youuu...


PS...save a little dough and you come VISIT ME IN EUROPE LADY!!!

L-Kat said...

I'm with you, but the things I hoard are lotions, body sprays, and lip gloss. No lie, I have about forty different Bath and Body Works lotions. They take up a lot of room. And they're not old and crusty....I just use that much lotion! I like to have lots of options. Same thing with body sprays, but these things probably are old....I don't know why I buy body spray, because I have perfume that I love and wear daily. So there sits my ginormous collection of body sprays. And I think I own every color of every brand of lip gloss. In my backpack alone I just counted twelve lip glossses. And that's for school! Imagine my purses! :)

Ashley said...

Oh goodness, I have been better at not buying these products, not soo much the nail polish because I get spa mani's - but there you have it, I waste my money there instead of on the polish! But I have soooo many products I need to use up what I've got! Now, if there is a sale on my shampoo/conditioner breands - I like to change it up, I usually buy a few!! Sooo you are not alone girl!

Madeline Grace said...

I am the same way! Always trying out something new to see if it helps my hair grow a bit better or add more volume. The same thing goes for nail polish! I have a small collection but I really only buy OPI and China Glaze! My boyfriend has started to limit me so I will use them up before I buy more!

-Madeline Grace
Just Let the Sparrows Fly

Ashlee said...

I am right there with you on product overload!! I started cleaning out stuff over Christmas and ended up donating over 75 products to the local women's shelter. Talk about feeling gilty!! I still have more to do, too!! Have you gotten a Birchbox? its a great way to get mini products so it helped me avoid buying too many other full sized products that I'll end up only using a few times :)

Kelsey said...

hahahah you crack me up! Well...I guess now that you've realized your bad habit you can go ahead and stop buying them? hehehe. My husband and I are on a "don't spend money this week" thing and IT'S HARD!!!

Shaylynn... I BLAHWG. said...

"it was older than my neighbor's varicose veins (lovely). " oh my gosh, this made me whole day, possibly my life. Cannot stop, cannot stop, cannot stop laughing.. and I'm at work. oops.

And what the hell are fetus nails? for real.

lo @ crazy ever after said...

That Suave brand is my favorite shampoo and conditioner ever. To me it's just like the rosemary mint shiz from Aveda. But gobs cheaper. And I have never bought a wrinkle cream in all my life. But you've made me realize I need to invest in some. Must seek out suggestions from my favorite bloggy friends. By golly, I think you just inspired my next blog post. :)

Katie said...

Ok your side comments in this post made my day! Lmao!

Jenae Olay said...

Oh man I am just like you! But I have FINALLY found great skincare! It's Origins. Hands down best skincare I have ever used. Makes me feel like a lady. It's a bit pricey, but it actually works. You should try it out. After buying so much makeup to cover up my skin I finally realized I need to fix my skin.

Carlie said...

Ha ha that is awesome that you organize your shampoos like that! And I love comet. It is like the number one cleaning tool out there!

Lauren said...

i love this! I used to always have unused products in my shower or under my sink...of course Dave Ramsey nipped that habit in the rear really fast! ha!

Maggie said...

hahaha I absolutely loved this post - well said, my friend! I am right there with you with an over abundance of conditioner (as well as a head of fine hair that just won't magically volumize. ugh.)

Michaela said...

ONLY $10!!!!? In Australia OPI retails at around $23!!!! I am so jealous!!

I always buy so much bathroom-y crap. Mainly moisturisers and make up though. I stick to the one brand of shampoo + conditioner because I'm scared if I change it will ruin my hair since my hair has gotten used to the brands I use (is that nonsense, or what?)
But I do splash out on shower gels. I have a flavour for every mood hahahaha!

Katie said...

Apparently I fear frizzy hair. I have so many anti-frizz/hair smoothing products it's ridiculous! Love this post!

lori said...

hahaha i am the same way. i have 4 different shampoos/conditioner in my teeny tiny shower. each day i alternate. otherwise my hair gets used to it and looks/feels terrible.

and im obsesed with nail polish. i always paint and hate what ive done... and take it off and repaint until i get frustrated and give up.

stephanie said...

I could have written this post! you and me both girl, the amount of beauty products I have is OBSCENE!

Second Hand Rose said...

So funny and well written, you really have a talent. I think all of us are like that and I'm just like you, I arrange my stuff in height order too! XxxX http://thesecondhandrose.blogspot.co.uk/

Jenna said...

I have the same problem just with chap stick and face lotion. I.Can't.Stop.

xxx
Jenna

Miranda said...

i am constantly buying magazines when i am out and about...just random ones like better homes and gardens and some organizing one. It's like an obsession! I am just starting buying nail polish too and I love OPI but essie is pretty good too! and its just a little itty bit cheaper!

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