Laundry? No thanks.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Screw you, Adam and Eve. You ruined everything.
If you two hadn't gotten all greedy-McStevey over a juicy apple (Really? A chocolate eclair I would have understood), we would all be following our true destinies of frolicking around in our naked, pasty  splendor. No one would even be able to judge the excess elbow fat I've accrued lately. Talk about a good, birthday-suit time.

Forget laundry. Forget folding. Forget hangers. Forget encrypted, highly complex instructions. Wash warm for fifteen seconds. Then cold. Then lukewarm. Then boiling hot. Tumble low or high or gentle. Better yet, don't tumble. It's all so complicated. I fail to get it right, just about every time.

Poor Grahm.
The kid keeps losing clothes, left and right. And let me tell you, that has quite the impact on his two- jeans-and-six-T-shirts wardrobe. I've shrunk, soiled, permanently stained with detergent (How in the crapola is that possible?) more clothes than I can count. (Technically, I can count them. Four. Five if you include our no longer Queen-size sheets.)

I typically avoid things I'm not amazing at (basically everything). But this is a double whammy. I not only suck at laundry, I hate it. All that confusion, washing, folding, putting away. Repeat repeat repeat. It's never stinkin' ending. Because I have an ungodly amount of clothes, I could probably last a solid two months before actually needing to do laundry. (Did you do the math? That's like 62 pairs of panties.)

I'm pretty good at putting crap in the washer, but I usually forget it's in there. A stench as ripe as my dad's armpit will slowly grow over the next few days. Mildew has infested our "clean" clothes, so I've got to wash them again... and then I forget, again. It's a never-ending cycle of terribleness. Gain is really gaining from my lack of domesticity.


If all of Grahm's clothes were cute and tiny and looked like this, I would have no problem doing laundry. (That is completely false. However, I'd have a better chance at not shrinking teeny onesies.) But man oh man, this is one of the (many) wifely duties absolutely loathe. 

17 comments:

lo @ crazy ever after said...

Jesse and I do roughly two loads a week and alternate them in the dryer throughout the week. So they never leave the laundry area. They never get folded and put away. Just washed and dried. And fluffed right before we wear the item. Definitely not energy efficient. Oh well.

Ashlee said...

I forget clothes in my washer all the time! I'd happily pain someone to do my laundry each week- its the chore I despise :)

Elizabeth Conwell said...

I don't mind doing the laundry--but it seems like Austin always has SO much of it! lol And I'm with ya on the detergent stain..like how?!

Kristen Danielle said...

Gah, seems like we all forget clothes are in the laundry until we open it again to that wretched stink! :/

You're not the only one, sista. I hate it too!!!

xoxo
Kristen

Katie said...

Laundry is by far my least favorite task. I avoid it as long as I can. My least favorite part is folding and putting them away so I do a lot of "foraging" through our laundry baskets until I can't stand it anymore. But that takes a while! :)

Allison said...

I agree...why were Adam and Eve so darn greedy? Grrrr. I hate laundry too. It just takes too much time and there's nothing fun about it except that my cat likes to ride upstairs in the laundry basket with the clean clothes. Haha...I guess he likes laundry days far more than I do!

Jes said...

i hate doing laundry BUT i do love sitting in the warm clothes.
and i never pay attention to the wash labels. if it shrinks, it gives me an excuse to go to the store :)

lori said...

i am the same way... i HATE laundry. and unless i devote a couple of solid hours to standing by the machines, i completely forget about them and end up re-washing them about three times. its so annoying. i recently turned a whole load pink. including all of my hub's undershirts for work. undershirts that cost $10 a shirt... for a white t!! he's a cop, and surely can't go to work with pink t's under his uniform... wife fail.

Alana Christine said...

I soured a load of laundry last week and still can't get the smell outta my clothes : (
AND I don't cook.
Lord help my future husband (prolly why he's still hiding from me) lol

Victoria said...

Ahaha! I love your blog! You are like the sweetest, most down to Earth girl ever! <3 I only found you last week and I'm already hooked =)

Bonnie said...

I have no idea how to do laundry, and I am 23 years old. I suck. Mr. A has to do all of it because I am a lost cause.
#lifefail

http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

Brittany Dawn said...

Hahahha! AMEN! It's totally the worst!

Lauren said...

love this post! I hate putting laundry away. Thankfully we have our laundry process pretty much down to a science so we get it all done at least once a week. If we don't do that our closet floor becomes overtaken with dirty clothes!

poptartyogini said...

laundry is a vile household chore. we wash, we dry, we not not fold. if recent history is any indication we may never fold and put away laundry again. i bet neither of us will die. when i went to college my mom told me to stay away from bleach. to this day i've never used it. i think this is a good thing. laundry haters unite!

McKenzie said...

you are too funny! cute blog and hilarious post! glad I found 'Recently Roached'

hyperthetically speaking said...

Laundry, ahhh! "Tumble dry low" is the scariest thing I have ever read. I think I share some of your sentiments...

http://hypertheticallyspeaking.blogspot.com/2012/04/laundry-lament.html

Second Hand Rose said...

So funny as usual! You're not the only one that detests it and gets it wrong 9 times out of 10, so don't feel bad! XxxX