Things I do when my husband's gone for the week

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

1. Let loose. Deodorant? Optional. Pants? Not necessary. Clipping my toenails on the couch and forgetting about them till morning? Of course. I haven't showered in three days. I've busted out the granny panties. My room is a cross between Forever 21 and Hurricane Katrina. I haven't even deigned to make the bed... or shave.

I guess I feel like I have to live by example when he's here (love ya, babe). If he sees me throwing my clothes around the room like a blind hummingbird, well... he's probably to take the chaos to a new mannish level. But when he's gone, I take my normal anal-like tendencies and kick 'em to the curb.

2. Make new habits. This morning I woke up and decided that I'm going to do lunges, squats, and wall slides before I get ready every day. I started sleeping with a pillow between my legs cause my mom told me my knees would get knobby if I don't. I (kinda sorta) decided to take us off soda (don't hold me to this one). I also bought a pack of floss yesterday while at Wal-Mart. Who am I?

3. Decorate. I haven't actually started this yet, but I did find a few delightful goodies at GoodWill. I was also entirely too close to buying a neon yellow and orange men's shirt today for 50 cents, just because I could. Amuuurricah!

4. Eat my body weight. In crap. Good lord, this isn't unusual. Normally, however, I try to disguise the 300-lb whale wallowing in my belly. I mean, the hubs doesn't need to see that his wife has the stomach of forty men, does he?

23 comments:

Andrea {kerubo mama} said...

bahahahahaahahaha is all I have to say!! (made my morning to read this.. good to know i'm not the only one that does strange things when the hubs is gone) :)

Lauren said...

you seriously just made my morning! I definitely throw all my anal tendencies out the window when Hubby is gone!

The Presutti's said...

You seriously make me smile. :) Have a great day :)

lori said...

you are too funny... i do the same things when my hubs is gone... and then try to hurry and make the place (and myself) presentable before he gets back.

but lets be honest... i may or may not wear pants half of the time.

Michelle P said...

haha love this list!

The Bluths said...

i love you.

this is the funniest thing i've ever read.

Jayme and Mendi said...

Too funny!! When my husband travels I do the same! And I go to the bathroom with the door wide open! :-)

Jayme @ Her Late Night Cravings

Hannah said...

You sound like me when I'm alone. :)

miki said...

This is hilarious! I am such a lazy person when my husband is gone. I seriously lay in bed any spare minute, watch terrible TV and g to work looking homeless.

Nicole @My Thrafty Life said...

Thank you for making me feel not so alone in these things!!TEAM NO PANTS!?

Katie said...

first of all i have to comment on the picture on the top of your blog - what a stunning photo!!! beautiful couple! secondly this post made me laugh! : ) so thank you for that!!

smk053078 said...

OMG! You seriously made me laugh at loud...especially about clipping the toe nails...that is sooooo me! You need to take your show on the road!!
Because Shanna Said So

Sexless C said...

I'm housemate-less this week and doing the same things!!! I may have started to make brownies and then just decided to eat the batter instead......

Jenna said...

This sounds so similar to what my life turns into when my bf is away - he went to Switzerland for 3 weeks last November and during those three weeks I turned into a complete and utter slob! Isn't funny how much our routines change when our boys aren't around - the things we do for them! ha!

xxx
Jenna

Alana Christine said...

bahahahahaha. Sounds like my normal week (I WISH)!

Meghan @ Shine On said...

This had me laughing out loud. Love it!

Keep Shining,
Meghan

Miranda said...

haha nice....however i may or may not do number 1 even if my husband is home...disgusting right? :)

Second Hand Rose said...

Haha so funny! Its great when he's not around that you can laze around, have fun! XxxX http://thesecondhandrose.blogspot.com/

marie said...

You are so funny, you should take your act on the road, or the web, which I guess you have. Love your spunk.

Erin said...

Haha too funny-- My hubby is never gone for a week at a time, but even when I have like a day or two to myself, all manners and normal habits are TOTALLY gone. Who cares?! ;)

lolopete said...

glorious. all kinds of glorious. :D

A party and A HALF said...

My house is always dirty when my husband is deployed or underway for work. But, it gets spotless the day before he comes home which I think is all that matters.

Lauren said...

Oh my goodness I just busted out laughing and my husband just looked at me like I was a freak haha! You crack me up girl! I just love this post! :)

xo