Just call me Chef Roach... Ew. Or Don't.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Yesterday I spent an ungodly amount of time browsing the recipe books at Barnes and Noble. Remind me to never write one (which is pretty laughable in an of itself, my idea of a good dinner is simply one that turns out edible) because there are way way way too many in existence.

I was searching for healthy living recipes, which did narrow the search down considerably. I avoided the Paula-Deen-slap-everything-with-tons-of-buttery-goodness kind and went more for the clean-living approach. I also decided it HAD to have pictures. I mean, I have to know how it's supposed to look before I'll attempt it.


(The dessert on the cover is a bit deceiving.)

I studied this book for an hour or so, before I bought it. I'm a little obsessed with it. Committing to a cookbook is such a big decision! It's like picking out a spouse. After all, you ARE going to be spending lots of time with it. It's gonna see you at your most vulnerable. And you're probably going to get pretty dirty with it. Ammmm I right?

I decided to make a trip to Whole Foods to complete my health-conscious day. 

Mistake 1. I left my apartment at five. I live in San Antonio, remember? WF isn't exactly a hop, skip, and jump away so I was sitting in traffic for forty-five minutes. Not to mention, I missed my exit. I swear I wouldn't use nearly as much gas if I knew where I was half of the time. Frustration to the maxola.

Mistake 2. Thinking I could concur my first Whole Foods shopping experience alone.

Mistake 3. Contemplating which time of oat I wanted to get. This left me out in the open and not moving, highly susceptible to young men who wanted to... talk? I seriously felt like I went on a first date in the middle of the grocery store. This kid (awkwardly) talked my ear off for seven whole minutes. I was trying to display my ring to him the entire time, but I don't think he ever noticed. It wasn't until he asked where I was from and I told him Oklahoma that he decided there was no point in pursuing the conversation. Texas snobs.

Dudes, if you want to hit on us at least come up with a game plan! 

Mistake 4. I had NO idea where anything was. And apparently, half of SA was in the store. I probably went up and down the aisles AT LEAST four times trying to find everything. Like what the heck is agave nectar? I may or may not have googled flaxseed so I could know what to look for...

Mistake 5. Thinking that I could buy the same amount of stuff for the same price. Oh so wrong. Eating healthy ain't cheap. No wonder I've been living like a fatty.

Mistake 6. This is the big one. Apparently, your supposed to number all of your nuts/dried fruit/flour/etc. (basically anything that comes out of those fancy bins). Who knew? I sure didn't. The lady at the cash register totally hated me because I had like fifteen bags, so she had to go to the front of the store and find the numbers for me. (Whole Foods Noob alert!)

Mistake 7. Thinking you can get it ALL at WF. You can't. I had to make a trip to HEB afterward, so I could get the missing ingredients for the dinner I was going to cook.


I was so frustrated by the time I got home (almost 8!). I was in NO mood to cook. I put the groceries away and pouted in our room, while Grahm was left pretty clueless. After thirty minutes, I explained my story... trying to be healthy, spending too much money, traffic traffic traffic, getting hit on (and badly!), not knowing anything, and frustrating the cashier...

So after all that. After all my studying/planning/buying for our new healthy living lifestyle... we decided to just go out for pizza. Hypocrite, party of two!

(This was our buzzer. Apparently they're pretty hoppin'. There was a wait at 9:30!)

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

I just LOVE reading your blogs! They make me smile....

Michelle said...

Oh man, I am CRACKING up! First off, I am the same way with cookbooks. I basically read the whole thing before deciding if I want to buy it or not. Second, WF is totally overwhelming. I don't even know what half the stuff in there is. Third, I would've had NO idea about numbering the bags? Yikes. And I've come so close to buying some of that stuff. And fourth and final, pizza is always a good choice.

Miss Veronica Lee said...

Jenna, I love reading your blog! You're hilarious!
Texas is a whole different world from Oklahoma. It's fun reading your adventures in the great state and I'm sure not long from now you're going to love it like the rest of us. ;)

Miss Veronica Lee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Miss Veronica Lee said...

ps: I don't know if San Antonio has them but in Houston we had Central Markets and if you ask me they're worlds better than WF!

kyna... said...

Whole foods can be pretty intimidating huh? (and expensive!!) Glad you found my blog! I'm your newest follower...can't wait to read more of your posts!
♥ Kyna

Erin said...

Glad I've never tried whole foods before then bc I get that frustrated in your average-every-day grocery store. I am totally guilty of googling things to know what to look for!! HAHA! :)

Amira said...

Moral of the story: don't try and eat/make healthy foods. The end.

kelsie fennell said...

Hilarious. We don't have a Whole Foods in my teensy little town, and sometimes I like to pretend like I'm the "whole foods type of gal." But I'm not. Lean Cuisines and Bagel Bites anyone?

★ JASMINE ★ {Barbie-Bombshell} said...

hahha1 too funny!
love reading your posts!

happy weekend, doll♥
Xx

L-Kat said...

Pretty funny! I love, love, love cookbooks! Glad you found one you adore. Good luck!

marie said...

This was such a funny post but you absolutely don't need to shop at WF to eat healthy. You can get a bag of lentils at Walmart for under a buck, then just add some veggies from your local grocer a few spices and you have the easiest, cheapest, healthiest meal ever. And the very best thing is there will be leftovers!

Nicole @My Thrafty Life said...

I love your posts! Whole Foods can be such a mad house! Have you discovered coconut water yet? Amazing. My favorite is the kind with pineapple added.

Nagehan said...

I couldn't tell you how often we do that! We make promises and say 'we will eat healthy!' and then the cart food gets us :)

Karla said...

hahah Totally something I would do! Ya see thats why i dont venture out.. I stick to what I know.. hot pockets and cereal! jk

Jenna said...

Whole Foods is awesome, but REALLY confusing - it took me like three visits before I finally got all their strange systems down! I'm sure you did much better than I did on my first trip, although now I really miss it since there's nothing like it in South Africa :/

Pizza is always a good idea!

xxx
Jenna

The Presutti's said...

When all else fails, get pizza :) Hopefully the recipe for which you got the ingredients will be super delicious :)

lori said...

i always tell my hubs if something i cook doesn't turn out good, we'll order pizza... it makes everything better ;)

i haven't ever been to whole foods... but i imagine it is pretty intimidating. cooking/eating healthy is difficult, takes lots of prep and is expensive! i still don't understand the numbered foods though?

Lauren said...

Thank goodness for pizza places! :) I love this post! I love how you always keep it real haha! That would so be me in the healthy store haha!

xo

Elle said...

Haha, I loved this post but I'll be honest all I have come away with is a sense of longing for wholefoods (I seriously LOVE that place) and good ol American pizza places.. I haven't lived in the US for a year now and along with Wendy's and everything cinnamon... these are the two things I miss the most. Strong work trying to be healthy though... I am trying that too... except I live with a chef who thinks butter it oxygen... I am screwed! :/

Love Elle xo

Second Hand Rose said...

Haha aww very funny as usual! I love that little buzzer, good luck with the healthy eating thing! Looking forward to hearing about your next adventure with the recipe books and Whole Foods! XxxX http://thesecondhandrose.blogspot.co.uk/

Susan said...

Oh man. I feel you on the Whole Foods exhaustion. Luckily it gets easier as you learn what ingredients to keep on hand and improvise. If you've got access to a big HEB, you can get a lot of the grains and other crunchy stuff there. Or, at least you can in Austin.

Also: www.101cookbooks.com <--- healthy, indulgent food!