A long, but fond memory

Monday, January 16, 2012

Today, most people [normal people] think of Martin Luther King Jr. and his unwavering passion for African American equality. Me? Well, I think of baby swings.

Twelve years ago was the most eventful day of my young, boring life [up to that point]. Like every other ten-year-old, I was enjoying the freedom of no school. My mom [oh so wisely] took all of us to a popular park in Texas where we could properly embrace this freedom without 
breaking anything, or killing anyone.


Once there, I decided it would be fun to slide my child-like thunder thighs through the small holes of a baby swing. The nostril-size holes were from one of those old-school swings, the ones that look like giant brown diapers.



Image found on google.com
A few seconds later [or however long it took me to realize a ten-year-old in a baby swing really isn't that funny] I decided to ditch the swing and move on to bigger and better things. But there was a slight problem with that.

You see, I couldn't move. No amount of wiggling could get me out. I was horrifyingly STUCK.

My eyes grew big as I realized I was trapped. I started thinking  "OH my gosh! They are going to have to chop my legs off! I'll never be able to walk again! Dad is gonna be so mad at me!" Keep in mind, I'm ten. (This is also a point in my life when my father thought I was going to be really tall and be awesome at basketball. Sorry, dad.)

I yelled at Blake to find my mom. She, of course, took her sweet time because I "did this kind of thing all the time." (Two times I pretended to be stuck in a tree and suddenly I'm the girl who cries "stuck!") By the time she finally made it over to me, I was convinced my legs were turning purple and would fall off at any moment.

It didn't take her long to assess the situation. This time, I wasn't faking it. She gave my body a few jerks, trying to free me from my  diaper chamber. But nothing. She ended up calling 911, because what else could be done? I'm sure they loved getting that call, "Yes, we have a juvenile stuck in a baby swing..."

What seemed like an eternity later, the paramedics finally arrived. By this time, a crowd had started to gather. Parents and children all sat around the jungle gym and watched the poor, idiotic girl trapped in the baby swing bawling her eyes out.

The paramedics tried to calm me down, but that effort was pretty futile. First, they tried to cut the swing. But underneath the leather covering was metal, so cutting through the swing wasn't really an option. Then they flipped the swing [me along with it] entirely upside down. One man held my feet, while another tugged on my arms trying to release me. I felt like a  human tug of war. The crowd  as well as my fear that I would never walk again had siginificantly increased.


They then splattered petroleum jelly all over my white legs, much like they would prep a pregnant woman's bulging belly for delivery. Flipping me upside down, they pulled, tugged, yanked... until FINALLY,  I was free!


I stumbled out of the swing, crying from the relief that I wasn't going to lose my legs and the embarrassment that I had just been the playground spectacle for about sixty people. It was a horrific, terrible experience. But now, it's hilarious and I wouldn't trade it for the world. What we wouldn't give for a video camera.

So today on MLK day, here's to freedom. Freedom of all kinds.

35 comments:

Basil. said...

hahahaha
I can only imagine.
That was much too funny,I'm glad the diaper chamber finally let you free.

aliciamarie911 said...

I laughed all through this post. I remember being 10. I was always finding myself in embarassing situations. :( Luckily I never got stuck in a baby swing(I always sat on them not in them).

Sarah @ 90 Percent Blonde... said...

Oh my gosh - horrifying yet hilarious! It sounds like something I would do... as an adult LOL

lo @ crazy ever after said...

Best. Story. Ever. Thanks for linking up. And how funny that you wrote about an embarrassing story on the same day we launch our Embarrassing Story link up party. Just awesome.

Kylie said...

This is the best story I've heard in a while. Still laughing.... :)

Rachel said...

Lol, well told! That sounds like something I might have tried at 10. :)

Rena said...

That's a great story!

Digger said...

That's Hilarious!! Thank you sooo much for linking up! How awesome is this! I can just imagine the scene. You poor thing, but honestly, what doesn't kill you… makes you go red even when you're telling the story years later. ;) (Or at least for me it does.) lol.

All The Love In The Universe
Digger

Gig-ee said...

What haven't you done? Are you sure you want to have kids with Grahm???

Chelsea L said...

Haha!! That's an awesome story! Oh my goodness lol..

Melissa Knott said...

Again... holy CRAP I laughed so hard. You are a riot, my friend. LOVE IT!

P.s. Glad you are OK!

Carlie said...

hahaha! Oh my gosh! I hope you aren't traumatized by swings still! ;)

Meg {henninglove} said...

oh my gosh poor you!! thank goodness you got off free and no injuries but definitely embarrassing for sure!

Kaitlyn said...

Ooooh my goodness. That's hilarious! Oh dear, that is too, too funny.

Krista Lynn said...

OH my gosh!!!! haha!!! Stories like these will last you a lifetime of laughs!!

Lauren said...

hahaha!! OH that is precious! x

Tarrah Clausnitzer said...

Love this! And love how you can tie it in with the holiday as well!

Alana Christine said...

Bahahaha. BEST story ever!
It's okay, a tire swing LITERALLY flew out of the ball joint that was holding it up, while I was in it! A few minutes later, I hit the ground and the tire swing fell on top of me. It hurt and was so embarrassing!

Ashley said...

Hahahaha. You always are so funny! And this story was hysterical! I'm glad you didn't lose your legs!

Petchie said...

haha this is the funniest thing! I swear I had a similar experience when I was younger too getting stuck in the swing!

xoxo
Petchie
http://itsallofthelittlethings.blogspot.com/

Michelle said...

This is HILARIOUS. I think I temporarily got stuck in one of those things too when I was younger...but I got out before having to call 911. haha What is it with kids thinking its fun to sit in baby swings?!

Tea said...

I've been reading your blog for almost the past hour! I must say that you are one funny lady! I cannot wait to read more!

Rod and Alex - aka: "Rolex" said...

Hahahahahaha! This story is fabulous! I can't wait to read it to my husband!

Jamie Leigh said...

I absolutely LOVE reading your blog! Once again you have me laughing!! I can just picture it :) If it makes you feel any better I use to try to sit in the baby swings when i was much to big too!!

Jax said...

LMAO @ Child size thunder thighs!!! Omg, I would've died if I got stuck in one of those. What an interesting way to relate to MLK day. lol

Nagehan said...

I just saw this and it made my day! :) (It was a pretty crappy day here in NYC)

Amanda @ New Adventures said...

You are so funny! I'm your newest follower and I can't wait to read more.

Jessica said...

Ha! Thank you for the laugh! Although I'm sure that was terrifying for you at just 10 years old.

That Brunette One said...

hahaha aw bless you! cutest post ever!
I remember once when I was a little kid I got my head stuck between two fence panes (yes I dont know I did that either!)

Mrs. Pancakes said...

Awww sorry to hear this happened...thanks for sharif though!

Tom said...

Holy shit that is hilarious and slightly cringey! Ever go back to the park? heh

Bea Beautiful said...

I'm sorry but that was hysterical. I could picture it clearly. How mortifying for a child! Glad you and your legs made it out okay!

Alyssa said...

This is the funniest thing ever. I could totally picture myself being in a situation like that.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, and the funny thing is, I would so do that!!

The Lady Okie said...

Hilarious! Hahha. That is too funny!